Thank You so much, dear readers! Your contributions and input when this post was suggested a while back were well received and appreciated. But we had a couple more blanks to fill, so I've injected my own supplemental nominees for this dubious honor. There aren't really any winners here, except for maybe some great deals on a used car lot if you can find one of these veehickles in superb condition. If.
So now, without any further fuss and in no particular order, here are your (And our) suggestions for
The NEXT Top 10 Worst Cars Of All Time:
Ford Windstar. Ya know 'em, Ya love 'em, Ya can't live without 'em. Well, OK, we can. And we do. Plagued with corrosion and durability issues throughout its production life, the resale value on these is, well... ▼.
FIle this one under First World Problems: Since I bought a new vehicle to replace one of 1970s vintage (and an addition to one of 1990s vintage), I have experienced many neat and wondrous things. Such as heaters that heat quickly; quiet; a smooth ride, etc. However, there are one or two things that have been really bugging me. In this case, constant beeping and flashing:
Yes, all the infernal beeping and flashing that seems to accompany virtually every press of a button, though to be honest it's mainly locking and unlocking it with the fob. Lock it and it beeps a couple times and the lights flash. Unlock it and it beeps a couple of times and the lights flash. Lock it before the doors are all closed and it beeps and flashes and then beeps again once the doors are all closed. Can this thing not do a simple task without being a drama queen about it?
I did try to bypass all the beeping and flashing early one morning by simply opening the driver's side door with the key, but then it immediately started beeping and flashing and added blowing the horn to the mix. "No!" it seemed to say, "Bad owner! No driving!"
I imagine there's some way make it all shut the hell up, but it's not risen to that level.
Stealthy entry is not its strong point.
Sometimes it's really pleasant to get into my old Mustang with a simple turn of the key and nary a beep or a flash to be heard or seen.
Please discuss this or any other auto-related topic.
Do I read you correctly, I need you directly
Now, help me with this part
Do I love you? Do I hate you?
I got a dyslexic heart
-- Paul Westerberg, "Dyslexic Heart"
Yeah, that pretty much sums up my feelings regarding the Subaru Outback. Do I love it for being a practical, non-offensive-looking, Everyman's sport utility wagon? Or do I hate it for being soulless and and styleless and intimately associated with the Birkenstocks-and-socks-wearing set? Who will get irritated most depending on which side I come down on?
Sometimes it's tough being a Car Lust contributor.
I'll readily concede that I'm occasionally influenced in my taste for a lot of things by the (real or imagined) kinds of people associated with certain items. I admitted as much in my gentle diatribe against the BMW 3-Series and that same sentiment extends to other things. Ferinstance, I was reluctant to get a Mac for a long time because, well, I didn't want to be seen as a Mac PersonTM ("OOOoo, let's wait in line 36 hours for the new iPhone. The headphone jack is on the bottom this time!"). There's even a chance I might have bought a Grateful Dead album at one point but I'd never have gotten past the thought that someone, somewhere might associate me with Deadheads (What do Deadheads say when they're not high? "Hey, this band really sucks."). Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I also admit that I have a proclivity, on occasion, to try for the Ironically HipTM look. You know, like driving around in a hopped-up old pickup truck with fuzzy dice dangling from the rear view and Spandau Ballet cranked up really loud. But I digress.
So I have some trouble with the Outback. I want to hate it, but I just can't; I want to love it, but I just can't. It's functional and practical and efficient and reliable and . . . .bland. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But. . . .
Or perhaps a Toyota Corolla? I've taken to disagreeing with my esteemed colleagues on this one: It's not the Camry. I know, I know, it's sold 40 million copies and is the best selling nameplate ever. It's reliable. It's practical. It's cheap. It's. . . .boring. So boring that after looking at it for five minutes I kind of want to poke out both of my eyes just to give them something interesting to do.
When I first saw the "Corolla S" out and about I had a fleeting thought that maybe they'd finally done something interesting with it, but such was not to be. Unless you consider adding a "Unique piano-black front grille" to be, you know, interesting. More "utterly forgettable" is more like it.
So I dunno, talk about the Corolla or anything else auto-related you can think of. I'm already tired of thinking about this car. It's. . . .it's. . . . . .
What was I talking about again?
Our recent $100,000 Fantasy Garage Challenge has inspired me to seek out and find a new vehicle. I won't say the brand so that nobody gets offended or sued, but I will say that so far, the experience has been a borderline nightmare.
On my first visit to the dealer, they said they can't discount any new ones at all. Then I got on the internet, and saw that they are advertising a $1,500 discount or more on all of them (after a "Dealer Fee" of $598 is added).
Now I'm getting the usual runarounds... "There's no markup to work with," and "It's the time of the year where everybody wants one."
There was the perennial favorite, "There aren't any incentives on them right now." Then I got hammered with, "What are you going to trade in?" (I never trade.) Also, "Who do you have your financing with?" (It's a cash deal, folks.) Seems they're exploring every other opportunity to stick me as well. At this point, I'm seriously thinking about forgetting the whole thing.
But the biggest "pisser" has been when I have twice placed a vehicle request all over the Middle Tennessee region, and the local dealer sees it. They saw the requests and quickly called me back to say, "You won't get a better deal than we will give you," and, "You need to come back in so we can toss some numbers around."
After reading Chris Hafner's post, I realized that if I hadn't gone so Mazda-heavy, I could have gotten some great 20- and 30-year-old cars in my garage.
I wanted to try again, with a fresh slate. I hope you'll indulge me, and I hope you even find it entertaining.
But I've got to change the rules, slightly. I'll still have limitations, because limitations help channel and inspire creativity.
First change: no "car currently on sale" requirement. All cars need to be 20 to 30 years old. Maybe 15, at most. The point is to get cars that are old enough to be great value, but not so old as to be "classic". The point is to catch cars near the bottom part of the trough, where the value has declined as much as possible, but not to the point where the value starts to rebound from rarity/coolness.
Second change: I have to have exactly 20 cars. No more, no less. The point is to see how close I can get to the $100k total without going over, for exactly 20 cars.
Third change: All car prices will be according to the NADA "clean retail" price, but here's the twist: if you can manage to find a 20-year-old car in "clean retail" condition, it won't really be ready to go. The coolant system will be having problems, or it will consume oil as lustily as Vikings drank mead, or the paint will be starting to flake off, or a few minor rust points, or the alignment will be horribly off, or...you get the picture. A 20-year-old car that wasn't lovingly restored to new condition is going to have some issues. So right off the bat, I will budget $2000 per car to get it up to speed. That might go to a tune-up, or a paint job, or a replacement door + paint, or an alignment, or a new radiator, etc. That might be an underestimation, but we are starting with a "clean retail" example, so I think an average of $2000 will work.
That leaves me with $60,000 to get 20 cars. So I'm looking for cars I can get for averaging just about $3000 each.
That's the rules I have. Let's see what I come up with.
Car Disgust also includes vehicles so poorly designed or rebadged that the public takes one look, and either laughs histerically, runs away from them, or shrieks in terror en masse. Or worse, we aren't affected at all.
And I think we have one here today folks, that fits many of the requirements of true Car Truck Disgust.
So if I may, to get this post rolling, a little history first. At about the turn of the 21st century, the "Bling" movement was coming into vogue. Some requirements to be in this crowd were that your vehicle had to have huge-diameter (Dubs or larger) shiny wheels that attracted both attention and thieves, tons of chrome and/or gold trim, and all passengers were customarily attired in white wife beaters, excessive jewelry, and droopy trousers. The automotive term "grilles" took on a whole new meaning as well.
To cash in on some of this blingness, Lincoln took one look at this trend, took their F-150 pickup, and tried to turn it into an instant "Blingmobile." But despite a blingafied effort, I think their attempt of puttin' da 'Wood in da 'hood was epic fail.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and our culture is once more engaged in its annual flirtation with the macabre and the supernatural--ghosts, witches, ghouls, monsters, ancient legends that turn out to be all too real, mad scientists tampering with Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, open portals to Hell, and nameless horrors from A to Z.
In the, ah, spirit of the times, Car Lust today counts down the five most horrifying things ever to roll on four wheels.
Come along and see for yourself.
(Submitted by Car Lust reader and commenter Al Sapp)
In the late 80’s, Pontiac’s ad campaigns forced themselves right into your face. One such commercial, seen on this blog a few years back, featured a kick-ass hair metal jingle, with people dressed in all white power sliding Trans-Ams and Fieros around dark neon-y streets, high fiving, and pointlessly jumping into the back seats of drop top Sunbirds. The whole theme for all the tin Indians back then was “We build excitement!” However, this was still a period when the Firebird’s speedometer still only went up to 85. Of course, Pontiac paid no attention to that, and still stressed the “buy a Grand Am or get left in the dust” spiel.
Down the hall
at Oldsmobile, things were just a little bit different. From
commercials ranging from a car singing about the fact that it “knows the
roads from Oregon to Maine”; ads claiming “this is the new generation
of Oldsmobile.” And then there’s the one we all fall over laughing at:
“This is not your father’s Oldsmobile.” (Note from TCG [Chuck]: Al, I inserted that link; that's my house at 16:00.)
Olds tried telling everybody that they didn’t build bland, dull, boring cars. This was just plain ol’ simple denial. They didn’t build interesting cars. They built hoary cars, and labeled them exciting. The reason we laugh at “This is not father’s Oldsmobile” is because it’s a good source of irony. When Olds was running these ads, the cars they were building were your father’s Oldsmobile.