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December 24 Weekly Open Thread: "And All Through The House..."

Hey folks. Well, it's Christmas Eve, and the Car Lust home office is closing early. So instead of our usual Weekly Open Thread, we're going to do the honorable thing and repost. We hope you enjoy this feature by Cookie the Dog's Owner.

Hopefully the tree is trimmed, the last package is wrapped, and any assembly that may be required has been easily accomplished. So it's time to sit back, watch the fire, get ready for the sleigh to arrive at midnight, and enjoy the evening.

And if you have any comments, please go to the original post and place them there.

 __________________________________________________

"Yes, Virginia...."

by Cookie the Dog's Owner on December 23, 2011

DEAR EDITOR:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Car Lust. Papa says, "If you see it on the Internet, it's so." Please tell me the truth; is there a Car Lust?

--VIRGINIA

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong....

...They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age and an over-reliance on Consumer Reports. (They also don't seem to know what a search engine is. Put "car lust" in as your query and it comes right up as the first result, f'cryin'outloud!) They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere turn signal, an SAE 330 bolt, a radiator hose clamp in his intellect, as compared with the twin-turbo V-16 of the world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth--and of finding something positive to say about Chevy Vegas.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Car Lust. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and Santa Claus exist. There is a Santa Claus, too, and he reads Car Lust. He has a car, too. Probably a VW Type 3 Squareback, but it could also be a Beetle, you never know with him.

Anyway, where was I?

Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Car Lust. It would be as dreary as if there were no Subaru 360s, Fiat X1/9s, or MG Midgets. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance, no unscheduled roadside maintenance stops to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in cheesy dashboard fuel economy displays. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished, replaced by soulless gray Camrys with automatic transmissions, and by appropriately-named Chrysler products.

Not believe in Car Lust? You might as well not believe in Studebakers! You might get the State Highway Patrol to watch all the roads somewhere west of Larimie on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus speeding in his VW, but even if they did not see Santa Claus driving by, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus--or Chuck Norris, for that matter--but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus--or that there is no Chuck Norris. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see, like Chuck Norris when he's in ninja mode. Did you ever see an Anadol STC-16? Of course not, but that's because there are only 26 of them, they're all in Turkey, and you can't afford the air fare to Istanbul. It's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world, not even Chuck Norris.

You may tear apart the power window mechanism in your maiden aunt's Prius and see what makes the noise inside (and void the warranty in the process), but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, or even Chuck Norris himself, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, and a really complete library of Chilton repair manuals can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beneath the valve covers of a 351 Cleveland, or inside a ZF transaxle. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Car Lust? Not at all! It lives, and lives forever. A thousand posts from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand posts from now, there will still be Audi Coupe GTs, and Batmobiles, and DeSotos with tailfins and nine-passenger station wagons with optional vinyl woodgrain side treatment to make glad the heart of pistonheads everywhere.

...with apologies to Virginia O'Halloran and Francis Pharcellus Church.

Merry Christmas from all of us at Car Lust!

Santa Claus by Virgil M. Exner, Jr.Illustration by Virgil M. Exner, Jr.

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Long live Car Lust. To mention some of those exotic, semi-exotics,or those just rarely seen any more, here are some marques. Back in the '50's, there was a Spanish make, the Pegasus,supposed to be the fastest one in production at the time. Then, one I have almost never heard of, the American Bantam, looked similar to the early MG's. After the DeSotos with tailfins, was the Chrysler 300, '60F or '61G, with the ram induction dual four barrel carbs. One person I met had one and he had the ram system taken off, since he only got 8 MPG. Another account said that that model was ofered with a 4 speed manual trans. Country-wide, nine were ordered and the whereabouts of seven are known.

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