Colborne's $2,000 Used Car Challenge, Part 1--The Long National Nightmare Is Over
Quantity has a quality all its own.
- Josef Stalin
A little more than a month ago, the Chevy Malibu that inspired sufficient feeling in me to write the venom-filled diatribe that started my Malibu-reliable and Malibu-regular guest writing career on Car Lust finally passed away. In a brazen bit of bluster, the Malibu decided that it was too cool to be a V-6 anymore. So, to more closely mimic its cooler European brethren, it shed a rocker arm and everything the rocker arm came in contact with and became a V-5. Naturally, the cool German cars with their natural inline 5s were not impressed and shunned the impostor auto without reservation; this led the poor, misguided Malibu to barely limp back home, saddened by the rejection and the rocker arm that was suicidally carving grooves throughout the remains of the engine block.
During the course of the Malibu's tortuous 140,000-mile journey, it experienced the following problems:
- The cable in the rear driver-side automatic window mechanism mysteriously tangled itself.
- The flasher unit began to short out, causing intermittent clicks and occasional chimes for no particular reason. Unlike most cars, the Malibu's flasher unit is not located in an easily accessible area, like the fuse box. Oh no - that would actually make sense. Instead, for reasons that only seem logical to certain fiendish Lovecraftian creatures, the flasher was only serviceable by removing the entire dash.
- My significant other hit the horn one night. It didn't turn off. After about half a mile, we finally pulled over and, in a moment of sheer and unadulterated brilliance, I pulled the fuse while the horn was still going. Now, I know what you're thinking--why didn't I do the smart and sensible thing and turn the car off first? I'll tell you why. The spirit of the Demon-car was consuming my soul. The stakes were the faulty electrical system of a car that was manufactured in the ten ditches of the Malebolge or my eternal soul. I believe I chose wisely.
- The brake rotors warped more regularly than the USS Enterprise. Heck, at least the Enterprise couldn't drop into warp once in a while. What was the Malibu's excuse?
- The driver's side door wouldn't cleanly open anymore. It looked like somebody lightly tapped the rear of the car, which caused the driver's side door to push forward just far enough to rub up against the fender.
- Then, of course, there was the piece de resistance--the infamous intake manifold gasket. Not only did it fail prematurely because GM couldn't be bothered to use a non-corrosive rubber gasket instead of a cheaper cork gasket, it also led to the removal and re-installation of the same Healey Coil-supported rocker arm that ultimately slew the engine.
I'm sure there were other problems as well, but those were the ones that hadn't been repressed under a thick sediment of fear, frustration, and tears. Interestingly, however, my feelings regarding the untimely demise of the Malibu are somewhat mixed. On the one hand, I'm thankful to be done with the beast. My mind sleeps well at night, secure in the knowledge that the long nightmare is finally over. On the other hand, its untimely demise led to a rather serious logistical issue.
My significant other now needed a new car.
Ordinarily, I would be happy to provide the mother of my child some assistance and help her buy a car; however, due to the passing of my previous mode of transportation in February, we were both short on funds. Consequently, our primary objective became the acquisition of a car that would last a year or two until we could get our savings back into gear and would, most importantly, cost under $2,000. This constraint led us to embark upon a momentous journey, one fraught with peril, surprises, amusements, and, eventually, satisfaction.
Thus begins our journey. Tune in soon - same Bat-time, same Bat-site!
--David Colborne
Chris Hafner on December 01, 2009 at 09:46 AM
Those Malibus were truly awful - I'm envisioning you doing a "the witch is dead" dance.
Steaming Pile on December 01, 2009 at 11:31 AM
A poor imitation of a period Honda Civic, chock full of fail from bumper to bumper. At least Hondas are boring because they run forever, not because they were deliberately designed to be a rolling penance to its owner for not buying one of GM's many overpriced gas guzzling SUVs.
That Car Guy on December 01, 2009 at 11:54 AM
You know, anybody that builds anything this awful should go bankrupt.
Cookie the Dog's Owner on December 01, 2009 at 12:08 PM
Regarding the passing of your Chevy Cthulhubu, I think congratulations are in order. I suspect it will be joining the '78 Monza in the great eternal salvage yards of Malebolge,
kennyrheggem@comcast.net on December 01, 2009 at 01:05 PM
I often thought those cars sold purely based on a person's "America, Love it Or Leave it" type of thinking...or because they figured for the same price of a base Honda Accord they could have a mid size car with power options instead.
Me, I will always be a window cranker for this reason and many more.
John B on December 01, 2009 at 04:32 PM
I belong to a make specific club. I won’t say what it is for fear of ridicule, but it is an American car. On the forum, there are always a few GM apologists who staunchly defend it anytime the topic turns to the current sad state of Detroit.
Whenever anyone says…”they deserve what they got for making 40 years of silly cars” always say..”Yeah but look at the New Impala/Malibu, etc.”.
To which I reply…”that might have been a fair comeback IF WE WERE IN 1980!” In other words, it took them from 1978 to 2008 to come up with a car they claim is as good as a Honda.
But I’ll defend them against those that say they deserve to go broke for building “gas guzzling SUVs”.
They were the car people wanted…and unless Stalin returns, that’s the way America works…like it or not.
But my key point is, most Chevy SUVs would have lasted more than 140,000 miles.
Five Cars and a Bottle of Excedrin on December 01, 2009 at 06:03 PM
Let us not forget the infamous windshield wipers 'stuck in the upright position' failure that happened on these GM cars as well. In its short 105,000-mile life, my 2002 Impala had many of the same recurrent, teeth-grinding problems that the aforementioned Malibu had (window-motor cable failure, brake rotors every 10K miles, intake manifold gasket every 20K, curious electrical failures, etc), as well as a failure of the wiper motor that can be seen in a noteworthy percentage of GM vehicles of that era here in Michigan. If the wipers were turned on when there was snow on the windshield, a small component of the motor would "bend" into a position that would leave the wipers sitting straight up on the windshield when turned off (during the winter months here, one will see this phenomenon on a comically high number of GM vehicles). Upon taking the vehicle into the dealer, one will find that this problem cannot be repaired without the replacement of the wiper motor in its entirety, a job that, according to my mechanic, is unnecessarily time-consuming (on the Impala, anyway). Along with the startlingly high labor cost, the unwitting GM owner will also find that the wiper motor itself is also eye-poppingly expensive, as well as rare, due to the commonality of the problem. Total cost for accidentally leaving the wiper switch in the "on" position the night before a snow and then starting the car for a warm-up in the morning? $550+ depending on the labor rate of your particular shop.
What irked me the most about this is that the replacement motor wasn't any better than the original as it featured the same, problematic part that would bend, trashing the wiper motor, if one (or one's unsuspecting spouse, as it were) forgot and did the same thing the following winter. Instead of handing my Chevy dealer another $550 for yet another crappy motor, this time I rigged up a switch in the circuit that allowed me to shut the entire circuit off while the wipers were in the down position (a place they occupied while resting in "intermittent" mode). Total cost: $3.69 + tax for a switch at Radio Shack. The car went another 60K miles and on to its grave with that switch in place.
The Malibus (and their larger Impala siblings) were terrible cars. Congratulations on gaining a spot in your driveway for something that may not require blood-pressure medication to own.
Taxiguy57 on December 01, 2009 at 08:19 PM
Come on now guys... why are you all judging an entire make and model based on one single example? You are exaggerating immensely... the Malibu is by no means a "truly terribly car". Every automaker has lemons, David's unfortunate example is clearly one of them. I've never had a Malibu personally, but I have had quite a diverse experience with my own cars- at various times I've had a Honda Accord, Toyota Camry, Mercury Grand Marquis, Dodge 600 Turbo convertible, Chevrolet Monte Carlo to name some. Not to mention the countless Toyotas and Hondas of my family members that I've had long-term hands on experience with. Let me tell you... they all have their issues. I'm not going to say that the American cars are as well built or reliable as the Japanese ones because generally they're not, at least the older ones (i.e. pre-2005). But they are also not unutterably awful like you are making them out to be.
The Malibu is boring. VERY boring. But they are generally solid. Key word there is generally, because as you can see there are exceptions to everything. You know what a "truly terrible car" is? A 1973 Malibu. Back then you couldn't even be 100 percent sure your car could would start reliably a week after you drove it off the lot, and you could watch it rust before your eyes. Plus, as you are all very eager to point out here on Car Lust, the driving experience of a 70s car is not far off from piloting and ocean liner. I just find it irritating that people are so quick to criticize American cars that they fail to see how far they've come. The Malibu is better than the Corsica that came before it, and the Chevette that came before that, and the Vega that came before that. Drive one back to back with a Camry and the only difference you'll notice is the logo on the steering wheel. Don't get me wrong, I like Japanese cars just as much as any of you American-car-haters here, my father just bought a used Honda Accord it's pretty much perfect in every category, and very enjoyable to drive (especially for a family sedan). But American cars are not that far off anymore. Just don't make such broad generalizations like you have with this Malibu. "Perfect" is certainly not the right word to describe the Malibu, but neither is "terrible". Provided of course you are not talking about the lemon in this story, in which case it is terrible...
David Colborne on December 01, 2009 at 09:56 PM
Taxiguy57 - You want to know why people knock this version of the Malibu? It's not because I had a bad experience with it. It's not because it was serving in rental fleets for the better part of a decade because GM never bothered to refresh the product line. It's also not because it was boring. It's because it was, quite literally, CRIMINALLY terrible.
I'm not exaggerating!
http://www.stuevesiegel.com/CM/Results/NATIONWIDE-SETTLEMENT-REACHED-IN-GM-DEX-COOL-CLASS-ACTION-LAWSUIT.asp
Yeah, that intake manifold gasket that was replaced at 75k? If I replaced it a couple of weeks earlier, it would've been paid for as part of the class action lawsuit. You know what car maker thought it would be grand to put in a corrosive coolant and combine it with cheap cork gaskets? GM. You know what car maker wouldn't? HYUNDAI! Why? Because the Koreans actually have to stand by their cars for more than 36,000 miles. GM didn't bother doing that until the government took them over.
The most frustrating part of the Malibu experience for me was that I know GM can make decent vehicles. Every GM truck I've ever seen - every last one, mind you - has ran for over 200,000 miles without complaint. Sure, there might be a little electrical gremlin here or there, but it's usually quick to fix and the mechanicals are still sound. With the Malibu, all of the electrical problems were fiendishly expensive to think about and the mechanicals weren't sound after 70,000 miles. If GM can make a decent truck, why on Earth can't they make a decent car?
Taxiguy57 on December 02, 2009 at 12:49 AM
I just realized something interesting when reading that article you linked to... the engine in question is the 3.1 liter (and 3.8 liter as well). GM put those engines in pretty much *everything* in the 90s and early-00s.
So the question that comes to my mind is what makes this incarnation of Malibu so much worse than the Century, Rendezvous, LeSabre, Park Avenue, Regal, Riviera, Camaro, Impala, Lumina, Monte Carlo, Venture, Alero, Cutlass, Silhouette, Aztek, Grand Am, Grand Prix, Montana, Trans Sport, Eighty-Eight, Ninety-Eight, Intrigue, Bonneville, Firebird, and Grand Prix? Since most of them have the same engine(s), and therefore the same manifold issue, doesn't that make every single one of them criminally terrible "demon cars" like the detestable 'bu? I'm not being sarcastic here, just curious. Do explain.
I sure hope that's not the case, because I happen to have one of those models, a Monte Carlo with the 3.1 liter engine, as my daily driver at the moment. To the best of my knowledge my soul has not been consumed yet. Though in that case I think the interior of the car will rattle itself into oblivion before any of the mechanicals fail. GM interiors of the period WERE criminally terrible, that I will certainly give you.
Five Cars and a Bottle of Excedrin on December 02, 2009 at 08:14 AM
"...the engine in question is the 3.1 liter (and 3.8 liter as well). GM put those engines in pretty much *everything* in the 90s and early-00s."
They put the 60 degree V6 in almost everything, but in different forms of the same. The problem is that one had to have the prediction skills of a Vegas Book House to know whether or not that engine was going to perform well & without major financial risk.
The 3800 was a pretty good engine, to be sure. My Impala, and Mr. Colborne's Malibu, didn't have the 3800 engine, however. Much to my misfortune, mine had a version of the 60 degree V6 known as the LA1 3400 engine (same as the Malibu's 3.1 but with a larger bore). Herein lies the problem. If I read those last few sentences to the average car buyer, they're not going to have a lick of an idea what the heck I'm talking about. They just want a dependable car at a reasonable price. I can assure you that Joe Salesman at the local Chevy dealer isn't going to map out all these problems and various levels of dependability (or the lack thereof) to them. He just wants to make a sale so he can go down to Food Land and buy groceries for the week. That's his job - to sell Chevys.
When the same average car buyer walks into the local Honda dealer, however, said buyer doesn't have to gamble on whether the nice black Accord with the cloth interior out in row 3 has the engine that will go 200,000 miles or the engine that will go 100,000 miles for five times the cost of the former. That buyer can feel pretty darn good that the Accord in question will go 200,000 miles plus without excessive cost. There are exceptions, to be sure, but those exceptions generally come in the form of individual flukes, not engine-specific, widespread documented failure as in the case of many GM-produced engines.
There are reasons that GM (and the other American automakers) have had such major financial problems of late and one of those reasons is that they've lost the confidence of the consumer on a widespread basis. Money for Joe and Joanne Carbuyer is as tight as it's been in most of their lifetimes - if they have the choice of a car that they can feel confident in or a car that MIGHT be like that 2002 Malibu they had that cost more to own than it did to buy, I can guess which one they'll pick.
David Drucker on December 02, 2009 at 08:59 AM
David, at the risk of being predictable, let me remind you that two grand will buy a pretty sweet run-forever Grand Marquis. (Just sayin...)
David Colborne on December 02, 2009 at 09:52 AM
Drucker: Not in Reno it won't. That's a topic for the next couple of posts. ;-)
Slick on December 02, 2009 at 04:43 PM
its pretty odd to find that gm is regarded as making unreliable cars in america, i own a gm holden commodore, with 120k on it. its powered by various bits out of the gm parts bin and so far its been totally reliable, almost to the point of boredom. here in australia gm holden are regarded as one of the most reliable cars available. even more so than the toyotas and hondas (mostly due to the godawful roads of the australian outback and the underspecification of suspension and aircon parts).
Rob the Audi Guy on December 03, 2009 at 01:29 AM
@ John B: Regarding SUVs, and that is what to public wanted, I beg to differ. The public wanted them because the big three made the most profit on them. They could sell a 15,000 truck for $45,000 if they shoved more seats, a full roof, some sound deadening, and some leather into it. This meant they had the greatest profit margins selling the SUV, compared to the cars. So what did they do? They offered truly TERRIBLE cars, in hopes that people would buy SUVs instead. Nothing remotely exciting, nothing very high quality, nothing that handled very well, nothing "fun" or "lustworthy". Instead they sold horrible, bloated, outdated crap for years and year and years, while spending tons of money marketing SUVs as the "cool" thing to have for yuppies, for people who enjoy the outdoors, for people who tow anything, for people who enjoy camping- AND ALL THESE ACTIVITIES, I might add, were possible with station wagons. People still did all that stuff before SUVs were around. So no, John Q Public did not just decide SUVs were cool... GM realized it couldn't compete, and it also realized they made more money selling SUVs, so they did not produce cars worth owning.
John B on December 03, 2009 at 08:43 AM
Rob...I bought one not to help out Ford but because I needed something to tow 6000lbs or antique car and enclosed trailer.
Guess what...my wife's Mini Cooper won't do it, and neither will my Mercedes.
I disagree with your theory...most American's aren't that stupid.
I even know many of the "elite", you know the PBS-watching educated folk who drive SUVs.
Ironically, the downsizing of cars led to the rise of SUVs. No one (American or foreign) made real family friendly cars...and some people do spend a lot of time in them, so the compact car back seat squeeze wasn't much fun.
Neither is putting a baby seat in the back seat of a Toyota. Trust me on that one.
When you add the number of households who really need towing capacity for boats or trailers, or just need room for kids and dogs, SUVs made sense. And some folks want 4x4s for the winter.
My wife, a nurse who gets up very early to go to work, wishes she had had one during the last two winters which had the heaviest snowfall on record.
No, it's not a conspiracy...just practicality.
Now if the EPA CAFE standards/gas prices had let Detroit build decent sized cars to begin with (after all, people havent gotten any smaller since the 60s, but the cars sure did)...the SUV craze may have been avoided.
No, I'm not a huge fan of SUVs, but I recognize their place in the automotive world.
Chris Hafner on December 03, 2009 at 10:00 AM
I was in a parking lot last night that contained three of these execrable Malibus in the same row. Then, upon driving home, I saw one in my neighbor's driveway.
The one nice thing about being stalked with malicious intent by these horrible Malibus is that, unlike Stephen King's Christine, they'll probably break down well before they catch and smash me.
tomm on June 16, 2010 at 02:36 PM
The 1997-2005 Malibu/Classic were really just warmed over Corsicas.
They are popular with low income drivers, due to depreciation. But, they are also popular in 'Self Serve' junkyards. I wonder why? ;-)
tomm on June 22, 2010 at 10:32 PM
I drove by a car fire on the 294 Tollway [Chicagoland] this past Saturday. It was a same era Malibu in same color! Since I've read this article, they pop up in my car radar. Most are beaters now, with parts dripping off.