Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home--Ford Probe
We are going to attempt ... time travel.
I am painfully aware of the fact that it has now been more than one month since the last entry in the Star Trek cars series--my attempt to tie the Hyundai Genesis sports coupe to Star Trek III. I deeply regret the delay--if I could get this post up earlier by taking a Klingon Bird of Prey around a local star to initiate time warp, I would.
A joke... is a story with a humorous climax.
Following the somber (though excellent) space opera of the previous two movies, filled with poignant losses, space battles, and themes of mortality, Star Trek went in a much more light-hearted and mainstream direction with Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Or, as most people remember it, the one with the whales.
STIV might have proved a dramatic change of pace from the earlier movies, but it was still clearly Star Trek--its time-travel plot and goofy, cheerful energy captured the appeal of the original TV series. STIV didn't feature a clear-cut villain, or hyper-kinetic space battles, but its willingness to poke some fun at itself and its characters proved to be a powerful breath of air for the franchise.
Kirk didn't spend the movie locked in a struggle to the death with a super-villain; intead, he was struggling to properly incorporate "colorful metaphors" into his speech. Chekov wasn't under the thrall of a brain-sucking parasite; he was frantically searching for "nuclear wessels" and getting called a "Rooskie" (and worse) by a bemused Navy interrogator. Spock wasn't enduring death and resurrection; he was mind-melding with whales, silencing punk-rockers and being referred to as having done "too much LDS."
This combination of fish-out-of-water humor and the characters' natural chemistry proved a powerful elixir--STIV was a crossover hit and a box-office smash, and the mainstream success of the film helped launch the Star Trek: The Next Generation TV show. Perhaps the most telling indicator of its appeal is that STIV is the only Star Trek film that my wife will even consider watching with me.
Spock: To hunt a species to extinction is not logical.
Gillian: Who ever said the human race was logical?
Right around the time STIV was in production, Ford was considering taking its own iconic franchise in a dramatically new direction. The Mustang, of course, was famous as one of America's pre-eminent sporty cars, legendary for providing rear-wheel-drive V-8 thrills in an inexpensive package. That identity persisted through the dark days of the 1970s--even in Mustang II guise, the Mustang was available with optional V-8 power and testosterone-drenched muscle car plumage.
In the early-to-mid 1980s, however, a recent history of fuel shortages, a renewed emphasis on efficiency, and the emerging trend of automotive downsizing combined to make the rear-wheel-drive, V-8 formula look like an anachronism that would fade inevitably into the mists of history. At the same time, new technology promised similar performance from a smaller, front-wheel-drive, turbocharged car. Like the humpbacked whale featured in STIV, the traditional V-8 Mustang was an endangered species.
So, with its eye firmly on a brave new world of performance cars, and in partnership with Mazda, Ford began to develop a radically new Mustang. Slick, light, with front-wheel-drive and a turbo four, the new Mustang promised to bring the model's proud heritage up to date for the 1980s. Until, that is, the word got out and the backlash began. Mustang loyalists were not amused by the radical changes, they weren't shy about sharing their displeasure, and Ford quickly realized that it was in danger of killing the golden goose.
I have often tried to imagine the reaction in the Ford corporate offices when the completely predictable clouds of customer outrage began to appear on the horizon. The muscle car faithful didn't like the idea of a small, Mazda-developed, four-cylinder FWD hatchback replacing the traditional V-8 Mustang? Gosh, who could have seen that coming?
In any event, Ford executives belatedly caught on and decided to bring the new car out alongside the Mustang as a seperate model, named Probe in tribute to the manufacturer's line of early 1980s show cars.
Of course, history has proven that the RWD V-8 formula for performance cars was not in immediate danger of extinction; in fact, in recent years the pendulum has swung back towards RWD V-8 performance cars. Ford may have retained the traditional Mustang format only as a result of customer outcry, but it certainly worked out well--the V-8 Mustang has sold like hotcakes over the last two decades and has long outlived the Probe.
Still, Ford wasn't wrong--there was a huge market for smaller, lighter, front-wheel-drive turbocharged sports coupe, and by offering both the Mustang and the Probe, Ford was well-positioned to capture both the muscle car and sports coupe crowds.
It appears to be a probe, Captain. From an intelligence unknown to us.
When the Probe debuted in 1988, the flagship Probe GT immediately looked like a competitive offering in the sports coupe market. The sleek body came cladded with an aerodynamic body kit that looked so futuristic that tinsel-draped Probes were cast as 2015 model-year cars in Back to the Future II (alongside, interestingly, a modified BMW 6-series and the Pontiac Banshee show car).
The Probe's go-fast technology (a 145-horsepower turbocharged four-cylinder engine and adjustable sport shocks) was just right for the 1980s. The turbo was tuned for mid-range punch, so performance was strong--with a 0-60 time right around 7 seconds flat and a top speed north of 130 mph, the Probe was nearly as quick as its Mustang big brother. In 1993, Ford introduced the second-generation Probe, which replaced the strong but thrashy turbo four with a smoother and slightly more powerful V-6.
Both generations of Probe offered near-class-leading straight-line performance and handling, and, at $15-20K, it undercut its competition. It won Motor Trend's Car of the Year award and was honored by Car and Driver as one of its 10 Best Cars three times. The Probe was a good performer, a great bargain, and it sold well.
So why do I hate the Probe so much?
Because I .... HATE YOU! And I .... BERATE YOU! And I ... can't wait to get to you ...
And I ... ESCHEW YOU! And I ... say SCREW YOU! And I ... hope you're blue too.
STIV isn't my favorite of the Star Trek movies--it's entertaining, but it hasn't aged well and I find the overall premise ridiculous and the message a bit heavy-handed. But, even so, it's still a fun movie that I enjoy watching.
By contrast, I loathe, loathe the Probe. I always have loathed it. I'm not sure why, but I think of Probes as cheap, tacky, obvious and horrifically gauche. Why I feel that way about the Probe and not, say, the Merkur XR4Ti or Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe, I'm not sure. After all, I almost reflexively fawn over turbocharged hatchbacks, so why not the Probe?
Well, for one thing, I think both generations of the Probe were ugly. Actually, that's understating things a bit. In fact, I think both Probes had been brutally beaten with the ugly stick. The first Probe at least had some interesting futuristic lines and details that evoked the IMSA GTP Probe, but by the early 1990s the look had been cluttered with cheap-looking side sills, slatted air dams and spoilers.
The second-generation Probe, like the Mitsubishi 3000GT, managed to look both ugly and bland. It combined the dullness of the every-sports-coupe profile with soft, amorphous lines and a hideous front-end look that could be dubbed "plastic aggression." Compared to cars like the Mitsubishi Eclipse, Isuzu Impulse, and Volkswagen Scirocco and Corrado, the Probe looked like the kind of nightmare one might have after a night spent eating anchovy pizza and poring over cheesy mail-order body kit catalogs. It's a tragedy, considering the loveliness of its Mazda MX-6 cousin.
Then there's the name. Probe? Really? Setting aside for a moment the obvious proctology jokes, I still don't get it. The name doesn't have a great sound to it, and there are a lot of unpleasant or mundane sorts of probes. Even the coolest kind of probe, a space probe, isn't that cool. Who at Ford Corporate let that name through?
Even beyond the looks and the name, the Probe seemed so ordinary inside and out, like a cut-rate budget sports coupe without the special intangibles offered by its competition. The Mitsubishi Eclipse and Eagle Talon siblings had smoother turbocharged engines, optional all-wheel-drive, they looked better, and offered higher performance in a slicker package. The Honda Prelude and Acura Integra offered sharper handling, precise shifters, and screaming VTEC engines. The Isuzu Impulse, depending on the generation, was either gorgeous or high-tech and chunky. The Volkswagen Scirocco and Corrado offered Germanic precision, resolutely right-angled styling, and powertrains featuring either superchargers or the excellent VR6 V-6. The Subaru XT and XT6 were less capable but compellingly weird.
Had the Probe debuted in 1984 instead of 1988, I probably would have liked it better--its styling would have seemed fresher, and in those days its speed and technology would have made it a legitimate hero car. In 1988, though, the sports coupe market was ferocious, and the Probe was competing with much slicker pieces of machinery.
Gillian: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
The patronizing smile that Gillian gives Kirk after that line is exactly how all of you should feel about my opinion on the Probe. As strong as my loathing is, I admit that it's irrational and probably dead-wrong.
The contemporary press loved the Probe; as I mentioned the Probe won Motor Trend's CoY and three Car and Driver 10 Best awards.
I have two C&D comparison tests from 1992, one including a first-gen turbo GT and the second including the second-gen V-6 GT. The first-gen, even at the end of its product cycle, was one of the top performers and finished mid-pack, ahead of the Impulse, Toyota Celica, and tied with the Corrado. The second-gen won its test outright, beating out the heavy hitters of its day--the Prelude, MX-6, Eclipse, and Corrado VR6. C&D raved about the power of the turbo four, the smoothness of the V-6, and the precise handling offered by the second-gen GT. I have no answer to these observations from the contemporary experts, and I fully expect to get some comments from Probe lovers reading something like, "Double dumb-ass on you!"
The Probe provided copious speed and thrills for the dollar, and I'm sure plenty of people lust after it. I'm just not among them.
The first two Probe photos come from NWProbe.com, the red rear 3/4 shot is from a forum in which a user expresses an opinion similar to mine. The front shot of the overdone white Probe is from BlueCappro.com, and the final Probe shot is a press photo. The two STIV shots are screenshots from the movie, so photo credit probably needs to go to Paramount.
--Chris H.
That Car Guy on August 28, 2009 at 02:44 PM
I have always heard that the last Mercury Cougar was meant to be the 3rd Generation Probe, but Ford gave it to Mercury because they needed a small(er) car in their lineup. Can anybody confirm or deny this rumor?
David Colborne on August 28, 2009 at 02:50 PM
To be honest, I share your disdain of the Probe, though I'm not sure how much of my disdain is due to its relatively bland looks and how much of it is due to how horrifically poorly Probes aged. I'm trying to think of the last time I saw a Probe without a completely shot paint job and copious amount of rust and, well... I'm drawing a blank.
I don't think it helped that, when the Probe came out, Ford decided to double-down on its attempts to appeal to womankind. Suddenly, you had pink Probes, the atrocious Aspire, and so many other "woman-friendly" throwaways. Since I'm not a woman, I guess I was turned off by the whole exercise.
Anthony Cagle on August 29, 2009 at 09:58 AM
Two comments:
1) Funny, but the Mustangs from the Probe era tend to be very well-liked and seem to be the ones to have from that whole 1979-1993 generation. Matter of fact, I put a remanufactured 1989-93 engine in my Mustang II. I dunno, I really like the look of the '86 myself.
2) GAWD, the "Save the Whales" Trek. IMO, the absolute worst of the bunch. See: http://blogs.amctv.com/scifi-scanner/2009/08/bad-designs-in-star-trek.php:
10. GOTO Earth
20. INPUT "I can has humpback whalez?" A$
30. IF A$="no" THEN GOTO 40
40. DESTROY EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING
Cookie the Dog's Owner on August 30, 2009 at 06:34 AM
I've always liked the looks of the first-gen Probe. It looks a little dated now, but in 1988, it was definitely in the Car of the Future category.
AJD on August 30, 2009 at 12:30 PM
I guess I'll have to stay in the minority, since I will always have fond memories of the Ford Probe.
When I got home from Desert Shield/Storm, I finally bought my first car, a 1991 Ford Probe LX. (New, right off the lot.)
It was a lot of fun to drive, plenty of power when I needed it, and comfortable when making the drives between my parents place north of Philadelphia, and the navy bases in Norfolk, VA, and later in Charleston, SC.
Hucbald on August 30, 2009 at 12:57 PM
We called it, "The Pube." I thought that was funny on so many levels, as kids barely post-puberty were usually the drivers.
Oh, and yes, too much of the Latter Day Saints could ruin anybody, even Spock.
tompaq on August 30, 2009 at 01:10 PM
I owned the second generation Probe GT V-6 manual with no additional options. It was a great car and double dumb ass on you, I think it still looks good. Drove great, didn't have the high reving 4 banger of the Honda/Acura but then again it wasn't overpriced like them and had better low end grunt. The Corrado - please - a very expensive piece of German junk that couldn't figure out what it wanted to be. The Probe was a car that was better screwed together than the Mustang of the same age. The car went 130K before I got rid of it.
The only thing that I didn't like was the damned name!
Matt Groom on August 30, 2009 at 01:16 PM
I bought a 1997 Ford Probe GT V6 in 2002. It was gold with a tan leather interior, and up until that point, it was certainly the nicest car I had ever driven, and it was my first Ford product, having previously only owned GMs and Hondas. It handled well and was plenty quick for my tastes. I got it up to 140 MPH in Central California I5 at around 2AM.
But it was a nightmare to work on. Transversely mounted, front wheel drive, V6 with a hydraulically controlled manual transmission. I still hold a grudge against Mazda for designing a car that even a competent mechanic can't repair without a great deal of time and effort. Some of the Hondas from the 80's that I've worked on were also unnecessarily difficult to work on.
It was killed when I was rear-ended by an illegal alien on the Five (I5) just south of Oceanside, CA. He hit me so hard, that there was a chain reaction and five cars in front of me got rear ended. The car actually survived the rest of the trip down to San Diego and back, but died the next day.
SFC B on August 30, 2009 at 02:18 PM
I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the Ford Probe as it was my very first car. A red w/ grey interior 1989 Ford Probe. Got me through high school and into college before it was ruined in a flood. The name was the only bad thing about it.
bill on August 30, 2009 at 02:29 PM
Sorry folks, I love the last generation Probe. Drove it for 4 years and had wonderful response and fun. That 24 valve Yamaha V-6 was smooth as silk, would rev to 7000 plus and just keep going.
Would run till the governor shut down the fuel at 134 mph. Handled like a slot car and the interior layout was like a jet pilot. The center stack was tilted towards the driver like they all should be which minimizes reflections.
The only thing it lacked was White Faced gauges and big red needles.
Lots of fun for a front drive.
tigerstrypes on August 30, 2009 at 03:59 PM
Thanks for posting! Better late than never! Fun as usual.
Thank goodness there were still people at Ford that had their eyes and ears working (not letting be misguided by the smell of money), or else they would have killed the Mustang. If it was GM, no amount of pleading would have saved it, they only speak statistics and money (Oh, Firebird!! Oh how I miss you!!! *sobs*).
Don't get me wrong, I dig the Probe for its 80s retro-futuristic looks. A friend of the family owned one of the 1st-gens, stock, and the condition it was in was pretty good-looking. Too bad it was wrong-wheel-drive, but that was my only thing I didn't really like about
it.
Michael on August 30, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Feeling insulted, a 1989 Ford Probe GT was my college graduation present, purchased summer 1988, since Ford introduced the new model early. It was white with the 3 spoke alloy wheels and side cladding. It featured a 5 speed stick shift, no automatic available in the GT, just the way it should be.
I loved it. It got looks, was great at passing with that turbo mid range punch, and was the perfect car for a bachelor 20 something. I put more than 120K miles on until after getting married my wife forced me to donate it, since it wasn't dignified enough. I replaced it with my current baby, a 1998 BMW M3 convertible.
There were some subtle really cool touches about the Probe. The wipers had these little ramps that they parked on when not in use, and when they reached the lower position when in delay mode they rose slightly. The system was amazing for keeping wiper blades fresh. I think replaced blades at most 3 times over the life of the car. I haven't seen a wiper system like it since. The plastic cladding around the car, besides giving it that boy racer look, prevented virtually all door dings. At the end of its life it looked remarkably new, unlike most other cars which (like my BMW) have to be parked in the back of the lot, or (like my wife's Saab) collect dings/dents/scratches like crazy. Finally, that instrument pod, where the adjustable steering wheel moved the whole pod with it to keep everything in line and visible! That defined cool.
I will admit that the 1989 Probe GT was the best of the series. They subsequently fiddled with the styling only making it worse. I didn't care for the 1993 new model. And I love my 98 BMW M3 (and think nothing of the newer electro-controlled overpowered versions). But I still wax nostalgic for my old Probe GT, such that I sometimes search eBay motors for old Probes.
Jimbo on August 30, 2009 at 06:12 PM
Had a first year model with a stick. Put 189000 on it in ten years. It would do 90 on the interstate just fine. The only thing I ever did under the hood was put in two alternators. At the end it was going through a quart of oil every 300 miles. All in all, a fine, economical car.
David Colborne on August 30, 2009 at 11:43 PM
Anthony, the Star Trek movies were chock-full of poor design decisions. Let's go through them...
Star Trek I: Yeah, your AMC blogger nailed it when it came to V'Ger and the Ultimate Upgrade. The skin-tight jumpsuit uniforms were also pretty bad. Can we also collectively ask ourselves why the only vessel between Klingon space and Earth is a barely functioning heavy cruiser that was heavily refitted after twenty years of service and hadn't even gone out on a shakedown cruise?
Star Trek II: Hey, remember that ship we just spent a ton of money refitting? The same one that just saved Earth? Yeah, it's now a training vessel. Also, Federation personnel can't count the number of planets in a system ("Oh, you thought this was Ceti Alpha SIX!"). Meanwhile, if you have a five digit code, one which could be broken via brute force using an Apple ][+ and a simple BASIC routine in under 10 seconds, you too can get complete and total control of a Federation starship's defense systems!
Star Trek III: This one actually isn't half bad. Sure, the Excelsior was sabotaged, but it was sabotaged by the best engineer in the Federation. David Marcus owned up to the poor choices used in the Genesis project (protomatter!). The Federation, meanwhile, wanted to keep any research of the Genesis planet on the down-low, so using an unarmed science vessel made some sense there. Having the Enterprise get lit up by a smaller Bird of Prey made sense considering how it was severely undermanned. All in all... could be worse. I'm okay with this one.
Star Trek IV: I am firmly convinced this one was written by a bunch of people in Provo, all collectively suffering from a nasty overdose of LDS with no way out. Oy. Transparent aluminum? Degenerating dilithium crystals that, oh hey, just happen to regenerate when exposed to atomic radiation? Whales? The probe?
Star Trek V: *facepalm*
Star Trek VI: Congratulations, Captain Spock! You just reinvented the heat seeking missile! Luckily for the Klingons, nobody in the entire Federation bothered to look into tracking vessels via non-visual spectrum reflections until then.
Argh. That said, I still say the Enterprise could make the Kessel Run in under 13 parsecs.
Cocklebur on August 31, 2009 at 05:49 AM
I used to have a 91 Probe GT and loved it, on paper it put out 195 hp, it was turbocharged and intercooled. I liked the plain interior, for go-fast cheap you could not beat it. Lived in S. Cali back then and running the desert roads around Twenty-nine Palms Marine base was a blast, almost hit a coyote one time going 135.
RJ on August 31, 2009 at 07:38 AM
It was an OK car, though it definitely had a rep as a "fake" sports car bought by people who couldn't afford a real one. The name was awful, though, and surely killed a lot of potential sales. I can't believe they didn't foresee the "rear-ended by a probe" jokes.
OldCarGuy on August 31, 2009 at 10:13 AM
When I first met my wife, she was driving a '91 Prelude that she bought new. I complimented her on her choice of automobile, and she told me that she had considered a Probe, but ultimately she liked the Prelude more. Two years later, we married. Coincidence? I think not.
By the way, she is still driving the Prelude.
John B on August 31, 2009 at 10:46 AM
When the original Probe was introduced I recall reading in Car and Driver that it and the Mazda 626 2 door coupe were mechanically identical and were made in the same plant in Michigan.
The Japanese engineers on the project were calling the Probe..."The Pretty car". But, I liked the Mazda coupe better, a bit more grown up looking. But the Probe had the Porsche 928-like adjustible intrument panel. If I'd been in the market, I'd bought one.
The second generation car is still very good looking...
BTW: This is a friendly forum...may I suggest that people ("hucbald" and and David Colborne...) quit insulting the LDS'ers?
Chris Hafner on August 31, 2009 at 10:57 AM
John B.: BTW: "This is a friendly forum...may I suggest that people ("hucbald" and and David Colborne...) quit insulting the LDS'ers?"
I read that as riffing on Kirk's getting LSD wrong - but yeah, let's not delve into religion ...
David Colborne on August 31, 2009 at 11:54 AM
John B: My purpose was not to offend or to disparage the beliefs of the Latter-Day Saints. As Chris pointed out, I was playfully riffing against a moderately humorous line in Star Trek IV, though, like many attempts at humor, I can definitely see how my attempt could be construed as crossing a line.
For what it's worth, I've had many LDS friends, I've attended LDS services, and I even married, had a son with, and, sadly, divorced an LDS woman from an LDS family. Though I do not personally share their beliefs, I harbor no ill will towards the religion or its adherents.
Robert on September 11, 2009 at 03:04 PM
Haha the Ford Probe could barely make it to the grocery store and back without problems, so space travel seems a bit of a stretch. However, I love Ford as a brand, but the Probe looked way too much like a cheap Mercury.
b on September 11, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Well recently i own Mitsubishi's 3000GT Spyder.
Its the first retractable hard top since the 1959 Ford Skyliner.A total of 1,618 Spyders were ever produced. 741 were the non-turbo SL model and 877 were the twin-turbo VR4. That makes the Spyder one of the most unique production cars in the entire world.
Its 320 HP, all wheel drive, all wheel steering, adjustable suspension and aggressive styling combined with a one-button retractable hard top convertible make the Spyder a world-class exotic.
Charles on October 12, 2009 at 07:57 PM
Don't diss the Probe! I bought a new 1990 Ford Probe LX with 5 speed manual weeks after graduating engineering school. My wife and I loved that car and still miss it. We drove it for 4 trouble free years, only giving it up when expecting our first child (it was hard to get into for a pregnant woman!). I would love to have it back today.