Wagon Queen Family Truckster
It's hard to imagine a car more divergent from yesterday's Ford Fiesta than the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. For one thing, the Fiesta was a real car with real significance to the automotive industry; the Truckster was fictional, significant only in the degree of anguish it inflicted on the Griswold family in National Lampoon's Vacation, the 1983 movie paean to family road trips. The Fiesta was a simple small car that excelled at doing more with less; the Truckster was monumentally excessive and yet completely hapless.
The Truckster might be fictional, but it's still worth discussing--if only because it is right at the center of one of the funniest movies of the 1980s. Captain Ahab rode to inexorable and tragic disaster aboard the Pequod; Clark W. Griswold did the same thing much more entertainingly aboard the Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
Everybody knows the Family Truckster is funny; what is not as well-understood is the fact that the Truckster's disgusting excesses make it intelligent, incisive, pitch-perfect satire of the dismal state of American cars in the 1970s and early 1980s. It was certainly over-the-top, the Truckster is so well-aimed that it's not hard to imagine it being real. Don't believe me? Let's step through the ways in which the Truckster satirizes the typical 1983 American LeBehemoth Brougham.
Point 1: American cars of the era were badly overstyled.
American cars of the late 1970s and early 1980s were notorious for their styling excesses and for the non-cohesive way in which unrelated styling cues were stacked unpleasantly atop each other. Well, the Truckster ridicules that trend by taking it wildly over the top. Acres of wood trim, including on the hood, jarringly juxtaposed with "Metallic Pea" paint? Check. Chrome applied by the linear mile? Check. A big clunky luggage rack? check. Extraneous vents and gills? Check. The only traditional styling themes missing from the Truckster are a vinyl roof and portholes.
The Truckster upped the ante with ridiculous touches such as four sets of Dodge Diplomat front headlights (for eight headlights in all), quad taillights, and massive crowns on both C-pillars and on all four chromed hubcaps. Check out the tailgate--it has two tailgate latches. Unless the tailgate is hinged both at the bottom and on the left, one of those latches is clearly ornamental.
The Truckster's styling is a miasmatic hell of extroverted cliche and tastelessness, and whoever designed it was a depraved genius. If I had the chance to meet the designer, I'm not sure if I would punch him* or shake his hand. Possibly both.
The inside wasn't much better; the seats appeared to be upholstered with beige burlap, and the Truckster was burdened with the same awful foot-wide horizontal speedometer that was used on many GM cars of the time. Most damning for a station wagon, the thing apparently couldn't carry much cargo--even with only four occupants, the luggage rode on the roof rack.
Interestingly, the new Acura TL's controversial grille reminds me of the Truckster**--it has the same demented grin, the same slack-jawed expression. Envision the TL at right with a few more headlights stacked vertically, and possibly some wood trim--it's just a little too close to the Truckster to be coincidence. Acura, might there be a special Family Truckster wagon edition in the works? Please?
* I'm not trying to be sexist here; I'm just saying that none of the women in my life would be capable of an atrocity like the Truckster.
** If my Honda Ridgeline roast didn't dispel the questions about whether my opinion has been paid for by Honda, well, this ought to clear things up.
Point 2: American cars of the era were poorly engineered and put-together.
As the movie opens, we see a sleazy car salesman played by a very young Eugene Levy trying to foist the Truckster off on our hero, Clark W. Griswold, whose line, "I am not your ordinary, everyday fool" would prove eerily prescient. In fact, Griswold would prove throughout the movie to be an extraordinary fool, but even he recognized the Truckster as an awful car, bereft of positive attributes.
In response to Griswold's cynicism, Levy retorted, "You think you hate it now, but wait 'til you drive it!" It's a classic line that, frankly, could apply to many American cars of the time. The Truckster kept running despite being shut off after driving home from the dealership. It developed a loud interior rattle before its first fuel fill-up. Its airbag--clearly just a garbage bag--inflated after a major accident. The fuel door seemed to drain directly into the engine.
This is all over-the-top, of course, but it's still pointed satire. Rapidly changing emissions regulations meant that American cars of the 1970s had significant drivability problems, and many new domestic cars were so awful right off the assembly line that they prompted the creation of Lemon Laws. Many American cars became much, much more hateable once they were driven, and the Truckster epitomized that experience.
Point 3: American cars of the era were inferior to their simpler predecessors.
Griswold originally intended to trade his Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser in on an "Antarctic Blue Super Sports wagon, with "the CB and the optional Rally Fun-Pack"--a rather enticing description of a car we were unfortunately never destined to see. When the salesman confronted Griswold with the Truckster instead, Griswold wisely demanded his old car back--only to find that it had been crushed (in a heartbreaking scene for me).
Griswold initially preferred his old Vista Cruiser before even driving the Truckster--how do you think he felt after experiencing the Truckster's myriad flaws in a drive across the country. Do you think that by the time he reached Walley World he might have wanted his old car back?
Unrelated Point: The Family Truckster was intrinsically evil and/or had intelligence-sapping qualities.
Let's step away from the satire point for a moment; I think there might be something darker at work here. The more I think about the Truckster, and the impact it had on the Griswold family, the more I think it had some sort of malevolent presence that, while more subtle than that displayed by the killer car in Christine, was no less real. Perhaps the better example would be the Ring of Power that Frodo carries in The Lord of the Rings. Like the Ring, the Truckster was a talisman of doom that brought ill fortune and slowly but inexorably put its bearer under its twisted influence.
That may sound odd, but just think about it. At the beginning of the film, Clark W. Griswold was portrayed as a successful businessman. He had a pleasant family, a good career, a nice house, two cars, and was apparently happily living the American dream. Up to that point in his life, he had obviously displayed some combination of high intelligence, good decision-making, or luck. All of that abruptly came to an end when Griswold first came into contact with the Truckster.
The pre-Truckster Griswold had arranged to buy what sounded like a neat car--the aforementioned Super Sports wagon. Even after his introduction to the Truckster, Griswold displayed his previous smarts and backbone in refusing to fall for the obvious bait-and-switch and threatening to walk out if he didn't get the car he wanted. In fact, we see Griswold walk out--only to find that his old car had been crushed. The fact that Griswold relented and bought the Truckster and did not sue the dealership for destruction of his property indicates the fact that the Truckster's influence was already beginning to work on him. By the time he reached home, Griswold was completely in the Truckster's thrall--he had already rationalized his purchase and defended the car to his surprised wife.
From that point on, we see Griswold's decision-making and good fortune begin to crumble. By the end of the movie, Griswold is almost unrecognizable from his pre-movie state--he had descended into a plane of irrationality, immorality, and rationalizing reminiscent of, say, a serious drug user. Again, the One Ring's slow, deleterious effects on its bearers can serve as an example. While the Truckster's effects appear to be similar to the Ring's, the Truckster actually appears to be much more powerful. The Ring took years to twist its bearers, but the Truckster ruined Griswold's life within a week and left an elderly woman and a dog dead in its wake.
Unfortunately, judging by the subsequent Vacation movies, the Truckster's influence was permanent. We never see the Truckster after the first movie, but in every sequel Griswold was is shown in a state of permanent idiocy, never to regain his apparent pre-movie success and intelligence. Perhaps we should think of the Vacation moves as tragedy, chronicling the systematic destruction of a formerly respectable family man.
In Summary
I love massive land barges and wagons from this era--my beloved Malibu wagon was sold in the same year that this movie debuted--but even so I am not quite sure how to process the Truckster. When even I can't admit to liking a large car from this era, that's pretty telling.
The Truckster was involved in most of the classic scenes of the movie, including:
- the classic opening dealership scene
- the computerized vacation plan, in which Pac-Man tries to eat the virtual Truckster (this invariably leaves me dissolved in tears of mirth)
- the epic crash when Griswold jumps the Truckster 50 yards into the Arizona desert (which can be viewed here in German, because it's funnier that way)
The first video below is the first 8:27 of the movie; you can feel free to watch the opening credits for the sweet wave of nostalgia, if you'd like, but the movie starts with the dealership scene at roughly the 2:15 mark. The second video shows both the Truckster's persistent rattle and its hilarious scene alongside Christie Brinkley's Ferrari 308. I love how the Truckster bounds and floats down the freeway in this scene. The third video shows a Truckster replica being autocrossed(!).
From now on, if I get depressed about the state of the world, I'll think about some enthusiast autocrossing a Wagon Queen Family Truckster--suddenly everything will seem much brighter.
Some of the images are video captures that appear to be all over the Internet; the other pictures are of a recreated Family Truckster featured in Autoblog last year. The exception is the final picture; one fan has both a General Lee and a Family Truckster in his garage--check out his page here. Well done!
--Chris H.
Eric Florack on March 18, 2009 at 12:52 PM
the thing apparently couldn't carry much cargo--even with only four occupants, the luggage rode on the roof rack.
Actually, it could carry quite a bit.. in amounts that would swamp your Honda, for example. Thing is, in your hurry to dis American cars, you're forgetting that there was a dog on the loadbed for that trip.
Chris Hafner on March 18, 2009 at 01:05 PM
Eric Florack: "Actually, it could carry quite a bit.. in amounts that would swamp your Honda, for example."
Well, I would have thought so, given the external dimensions, but there were mounds of luggage on the roof even before they picked up the dog--which was much later, in Kansas.
Perhaps the Griswolds just brought an immense amount of luggage, enough to overwhelm a full-size station wagon. Of maybe they just preferred having the luggage on the roof--after all, they put Ellen's credit cards on the roof rack, with unfortunate consequences. Or, my favorite explanation, this is just another of the many ways in which the Truckster distorted the world we *believe* we know.
Eric Florack: "Thing is, in your hurry to dis American cars ..."
Hey, my favorite among all the cars I've owned was a 1983 Malibu wagon. I was more in a hurry to point out the Truckster's inspired satire. I happen to like overstyled American cars. I mean, look at the blog banner - it has Gremlins on it! Gremlins!
Chris Hafner on March 18, 2009 at 01:07 PM
Gary: "Thanks you for the article, Chris!"
Thank *you* for both clearing up the tailgate issue and building an inspired Truckster replica. Great stuff, Gary.
davis,br on March 18, 2009 at 01:12 PM
Oh Lord. I had a pea green 1973 Ford Country Squire.
It was a boat. A really, really big boat. It drove like a boat (and for me to criticize something as a big boat - when I learned to drive in a 1959 Cadillac de Ville - really says something about the handling, eh), a boat piloted by a drunken crew (and I was stone cold sober).
It was also a POS with something that was always falling apart. Or off. Or ...just not working (power everything meant you were sure to find some new surprise on an almost daily basis). Or working less than well.
...on the bright side: it got, like, 12 miles per gallon (as I recall).
...until this column, I had managed to bury that awful experience deeply in a part of my past NEVER revisited. Damn you Chris.
Mark on March 18, 2009 at 01:43 PM
Amazon still has a few copies of "Zany Afternoons" available. Highly recommended. I have two copies myself; it was three before a nasty breakup with an ex-girlfriend. I guess she retained some sense of humor . . .
I had a chance to meet and have dinner with Mr. McCall a few years ago in New York. Very interesting individual. The Bulgemobiles were a natural outgrowth of his first profession as an illustrator for the Detroit automakers' advertising departments in the '50s and early '60s.
'Berg
Rich on March 18, 2009 at 02:06 PM
My dad had a 65 Country Squire and yes the headlight look stock and it was a big selling point about the tailgate. You lowered the window electrically and if yoused the inside center handle it open as a regular tailgate. if you used the handle on the side you could open it like a door. This had an advantage when you wanted to get things out of the tirewell or reach something just behind the seat. I seem to recall that some of them had an optional rear facing see and used the tirewell for people's feet. The spare tire was in one of the rear side panels and a b___h to get out.
BUT the car ran well and hauled anything and everything :)
(I had 13 people in the car one time :)
R
Tex Lovera on March 18, 2009 at 02:09 PM
I remember the ads for the three-way tailgate that Ara Parseghian did for Ford, comparing them to a "triple-option" offense. Funny just how "offensive" it turned out to be!
seguin on March 18, 2009 at 04:57 PM
I watched that movie a couple nights ago, and I noticed when they went to the first gas station, there was a girl filling up a light blue AMC Concord 4x4 station wagon with a roof spoiler. I think that was intentional and supposed to represent the "sport wagon."
I found it...watch part 2/11 on youtube and it rolls up on the opposite side of the pump at 3:28
rick on March 18, 2009 at 06:43 PM
Loved the 85-mph speedo on the dash. I remember those well. YOu had a car that would do 120 but the speedo would only go up to 85. Makes perfect sense to me - or maybe not.
Ralph Gizzip on March 18, 2009 at 07:03 PM
Re: Wood trim.
Two Polacks buy a Country Squire station wagon and when they get it home they immediately set to it with crow bars prying off all the wood trim.
When they finish they stand back to look at their handiwork and one of the Polacks says to the other, "You know, I kinda liked it better when it was still in the box."
seguin on March 18, 2009 at 07:53 PM
Look at the second part of that 11 part series at about 3 minutes, 28 seconds. When he's at the gas pump, a light blue/dark blue AMC Concord 4x4 wagon rolls up on the opposite side. Is this supposed to represent an arctic blue sportswagon?
That Car Guy on March 18, 2009 at 07:55 PM
Rick, we were sentenced to a 55-MPH National Speed Limit for years. But they made reduction kits so that 55 was actually 110.
Ah, those were the days. NOT!
Rick T. on March 19, 2009 at 10:53 AM
I'd like to know the story of how Lindsay Buckingham went from Fleetwood Mac and the multi-platinum "Rumours" album to composing this theme song in just 6 years!
OldCarGuy on March 19, 2009 at 11:17 AM
Wonderful piece! Thanks for bringing back those memories and laughs!
Beavis on March 19, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Oh, yeah, uh... didn't the tilt steering wheel get stuck or somethin'? Yeah, yeah, hee, hee, hee!
Tom Frank on March 19, 2009 at 05:37 PM
I learned autocrossing in my 1979 Buick Estate Wagon (with the 403 Trans Am engine); F Stock.
The biggest (pun intended) challenge were the courses designed for two door sports cars, where my car was longer than the distance from the apex to the outer cones on some of the corners. I had to learn to perform the classic emergency brake slide to get through some of the turns.
Beat more than my share of Honda's et al.
And when not autocrossing, it could carry a 4x8 sheet of plywood flat in the back with the tailgate closed - something my Expedition cannot do.
I miss that car!
Tom Frank on March 19, 2009 at 05:40 PM
There's an Arial Atom in the foreground during that autocross video! Where was that video made?
My other favorite car!
Steaming Pile on March 23, 2009 at 07:25 AM
@ERIC - The middle latch was usually on the inside, at least with GM cars of the period. You had to have rolled the back window down to open the tailgate straight down (a safety issue), so the only way you could have reached that latch on a Chevy was to have done this. We had a '78 Impala wagon, which had a power tailgate window and cranks on all four doors. Go figure. You could also use the key to lower the window from the outside. It was a nice feature, since it allowed the car to cool down VERY quickly in the summertime, and reduce the need for air conditioning, which reduced the MPG from 15 to about 12. Yep, these things ate more gas than a Tahoe.
Crazy driver on March 24, 2009 at 01:18 PM
I can see Elvis taking pictures this Wagon Queen Family Truckster. The King with a Queen :))
Ajlouny on April 26, 2009 at 08:36 PM
I love that movie by the way, great classic, but have to say the car is a big turd. Too funny.
Carol Wood on August 28, 2009 at 12:58 AM
If you really want to congratulate and/or punch the Truckster's designer, it was the work of NatLamp's former art-director Michael Gross. He claims this and the design of WallyWorld, in an interview in Comic Book Artist magazine #24, April 03.
Henrik on November 19, 2009 at 11:43 AM
and I wonder what Griswolds will drive now across the country or wherever they will be going - yes, there are going to be a sequel to 'Vacation' movie!
well, saw this news today that HomeAway (a vacation rental company) is bringing back the Griswolds in a new ad campaign, and as it can be seen on the that news (http://budurl.com/griswolds) the family might as well be using the old truckster! lets wait and see - should be fun!
AJP on September 15, 2010 at 07:37 PM
The 2 tailgate handles are fake...and yet there were 2 handleson a real Country Squire! The Magic Door Gate operated as a door by the one on the right, but the door could not be dropped as a gate with the window up, lest it break, so the only way it could be lowered is by the INSIDE door handle!
Big Dave on March 10, 2011 at 08:33 AM
I came across a really cool blog or thread or something somewhere in which someone had amazing step by step photos of themselves turning a 1984 Ford Country Squire into a Wagon Queen Family Truckster. I wish I could find it now but I don't seem to be able to... :(
DJK on March 26, 2011 at 11:40 AM
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