Fire-Breathing Fairmont
You remember the Ford Squaremont--er, I mean, Fairmont--don't you? They used to be common as bugs it seemed. Basic mid-sized sedans with squarish styling, mediocre performance, indifferent build quality--typical 1970s domestic cars if ever there were. Car Lust founder Chris Hafner described the Squaremont Fairmont as:
just like a contemporary Volvo 240--except without Volvo's incredible safety record, metronomic reliability, or rock-ribbed safety quality. In terms of boxy styling and a wheezing lack of athleticism, on the other hand, the Fairmont and 240 were near-identical twins.
You don't see them anymore--they've pretty much all gone to the Great Salvage Yard in the Sky. You'd never expect to see one at a car show.
Even if you saw one at a car show, well, you couldn't imagine anyone actually restoring a Squaremont Fairmont.
Even if someone were crazy enough to restore a Squaremont Fairmont, they'd never consider turning it into a fire-breathing terror-of-the-dragstrip musclecar. That would be madness! It would be blasphemy!
Madness?
THIS! IS! FAIRMONT!
This is a 1979 Fairmont "Futura" two-door that has been fitted with a Ford Racing V-8 crate engine.
The entire front of the car tilts forward to allow access to the engine bay.
It has also been given drag-strip wheels and a killer sound system. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a photo of it with everything closed up, but I did catch a brief glimpse as it drove away. I can assure you that this is the meanest, baddest, most fearsome Fairmont ever to tread asphalt. It's insane, ridiculous, totally uncalled-for, goofy, preposterous.
It's a work of genius. I love it.
--Cookie the Dog's Owner
Mochi Mochi on September 02, 2008 at 05:41 PM
Oh yeah - now those clean lines start to make sense - nice:)
DrStrangegun on September 02, 2008 at 07:31 PM
Hey, they are after all a square mustang :) Fox platform FTW.
Anthony Cagle on September 02, 2008 at 07:46 PM
That's about the reaction I get when I lift the hood on my Mustang II.
I love this stuff. There's gobs of cars around my neighborhood that, were I stupidly wealthy, I would buy up, restore, mod, and turn into wicked street machines.
We need the crazies.
DaveFla on September 02, 2008 at 08:32 PM
IIRC, one can easily mount the old Lima (429/460ci) V8 into that engine bay as well. And as both the Fairmont and the Lima engines were common as flies throughout the 70's and 80's, it's a project to seriously consider, if going in a straight line is your thing.
Big Chris on September 02, 2008 at 09:26 PM
I alternated weeks of driving to high school with a friend who drove a light blue Fairmont. While it was uninspiring, I still prefer it over the same years Mustangs. I'll take boxy over barfy any day.
Big Chris
David Drucker on September 03, 2008 at 06:24 AM
I guess if you're going to build a q-ship, starting with the cheapest piece of crap available makes sense: more money for add-ons. But I can't help recalling my own experiences with a) my folks' badge-engineered '78 Mercury Zephyr, and b) a friend's '85 Ford LTD (a renamed Fairmont) nicknamed, with hardly any irony at all, the Deathmobile.
Despite being considerably smaller and lighter than the full-sized cars of that era, those two fox-platform were truly treacherous on the the road. They felt as though company had set "barely adequate" as the ultimate design goal, and then had the engineers dial it back several notches to bring the costs down. Every time my keister hit the poorly padded seat of one of those crapmobiles it felt as though I was being punished for something awful I'd done in a previous lifetime.
I'm able to find something admirable in almost any vehicle, but not this one. I'd rather buy a Cadillac Cimarron than take one of these as a gift.
Rob the SVX guy on September 03, 2008 at 06:49 AM
Q-ship? That thing is anything but subtle.
David Colborne on September 03, 2008 at 11:02 PM
David - that's what the add-ons are supposed to make up for. That said, turning a Fairmont (or anything else of its general ilk) into anything that could be called a "Q-Ship" frequently requires more money than it would to take a decent car and make it a screamer, and for many of the problems you just described. You have to upgrade almost EVERYTHING to get, say, a Fairmont into "Yeah, it can outrun a stock Neon" territory, much less do it with any style, comfort, or safety. Plus, unless you pick a platform that actually has performance parts for it, you're frequently pushing uphill trying to find performance suppliers for your car that, more often than not, has no business having performance parts in it.
Bill T. on September 04, 2008 at 02:29 PM
I bought a Fairmont in '79 or '80. Looking for mileage, I opted for the basic four cylinder and the four speed trans. It was comfortable, but the mileage wasn't what it could be. A friend worked at Ford and we changed the jets in the carb once or twice, but that had little effect. One of the biggest problems was driving in Michigan winters. The back end was too light, so traction was minimal. After a few years I sold it. Definitely not one of my better vehicles.
Matt C. on September 04, 2008 at 03:29 PM
I had an early 80's Fairmont (2 door) with the indestructable but anemic 2.3L engine. This was the automobile equivalent of bland design. Basic boxy shape, economical but slow engine, little amenities, the absolute nadir in design creativity. Surprising thing is Ford sold a boatload of them, but is was really the result of desperate measures to comply to CAFE mileage requirements.
DrStrangegun on September 06, 2008 at 09:02 PM
"Plus, unless you pick a platform that actually has performance parts for it, you're frequently pushing uphill trying to find performance suppliers for your car that, more often than not, has no business having performance parts in it."
Did I mention it's a square mustang?
It's a Fox platform. From the K-frame back to the rear axle mounts, it's the same car as any 1979-1994 mustang, just a little longer in the middle (I think).
Ricart Auto on September 08, 2008 at 08:59 PM
I recall a certain 1980 Fairmont that the kids referred to as a "hoopty" in those days. It was a rather dismal shade of brown, inside and out, with those lovely stick-to-you-in-the-summer vinyl seats inside. Grandma loved that old thing, and she took good care of it too. When it came time to hand it down to the grandkids, they were impressed at the low mileage on it. HA! With low mileage came a host of other issues, they soon found out. That old hoopty was an impressive ride to high school and back, that's for sure. Quite a few bodies would fit in it to go to football games and out to lunch, so it wasn't all bad.
RacerS3 on September 16, 2008 at 09:43 AM
I am sure that Bob Glidden, a huge Ford guy and one of drag racings all-time greats, ran a Ford Fairmont in the "NHRA" Pro-Stock class in the Late 70's/Early 80's. Granted these cars were not performers out of the box, But with its Mustang root's you can build a decent preformer fairly easy. It has that typical 80's square styling that most cars had then. Even though I dont care for the styling, that's just a opinion thing, a two door done right could look decent and I guarantee you will most likely be the only one at a show with one. It can be alot of fun to show up with something different and be the only one there, rather than the typical Mustang or Camaro of any year that are at every show. I am sure that's what the builder of this car had in mind.
********** on September 01, 2009 at 02:17 PM
when did you take a picture of my car???????????
rufos_adventure on May 29, 2010 at 09:25 PM
I had a 78 fairmont wagon, 302, automtic with the tow package. top spees was only around 100 mph, but those low gears gave fairly good acceleration. with good radials, the 7 inch rims and some balls, it could keep up w/so called 'sport' cars on the back roads.
it lasted about 200,000 miles, then my son got his license. only major expense was a custom 3 fin radiator for towing in the mountains. even had a roof rack, talk about 'q' boat