2003 Chevrolet Malibu

A little over a month ago, I submitted the fourth-generation Chevrolet Malibu (or Chevrolet Classic, if you prefer) as a potential Car Disgust. The post was an emotional, incoherent rant detailing all of the abuses that my significant other and I had experienced at the hands of the very car shown to the right. Thankfully, Chris never published my screed, which has given me time to hone my incoherent rant into what I hope will be an incisive, invective-filled diatribe worthy of being published as a true Car Disgust.

Once upon a time--in 1997, to be exact--this ubiquitous mascot of rental fleets around the country was the Motor Trend Car Of The Year. Its competition, at least in the domestic space, was fairly lax. The Ford Taurus of the time was becoming increasingly infamous for eating transmissions like most people eat Nilla wafers, and the first generation LH-based Dodge Intrepid was overdue for a refresh, preferably one that involved a change in Chrysler's increasingly notorious paint chemistry of the era.

In that environment, the Chevrolet Malibu was a solid, if uninspiring, family sedan. Its styling was less controversial than the bug-lamps of the Taurus and more modern than the LH sedans of the time, at least for a year until the LHs were redesigned. In a normal, sane world, the Malibu would have been replaced about four years later by a next-generation Malibu, allowing this model to retire after having fulfilled its market niche adequately, if not inspiringly.

Sadly, GM, for no apparent, logical reason, confused it with the evergreen VW Bug. Either that or the Malibu was a make-work project for union labor in Lansing. Regardless, Chevrolet sold this generation of Malibu for 10 years, initially as the Malibu, then simply as the Classic. By 2003, when that maroon plague upon my very soul pictured above was "manufactured," the Malibu had been solidly lapped by all of its competitors, relegating it to rental fleet duty around the United States and, I suspect, Canada. In fact, this particular Malibu had served in a rental fleet for a year before it was purchased by my significant other's father to replace her malfunctioning Nissan Sentra.

Being an uninspiring family sedan purchased from a rental agency is not enough to justify Car Disgust, of course; at worst, this background would earn the Malibu some consideration as the Most Boring Car Ever. Thankfully, at least for you, dear reader, is that, this generation of Malibu has a rather unpleasant backstory. Specifically, the V-6 put into this generation of Malibu had a defect that was so obvious and so sinister that it sparked a class action lawsuit in California that wasn't settled until last May.

As luck would have it, the lower intake manifold gasket is made out of a substance that happens to degrade quickly when kept in contact with Dexcool, the coolant used by GM at the time. This wouldn't be a particularly fatal flaw if the lower intake manifold gasket's job wasn't to keep the engine's coolant and oil separate from each other. What made this criminally negligent, though, was the fact that the gasket would last just long enough to make it past warranty, usually failing between 75,000 and 100,000 miles. If the owner was attentive or "lucky," they'd only have an $800 repair to look forward to. If they were unlucky, the coolant and oil would mix, leading to the engine overheating and, with a little time, either seizing or warping the block. 

I was one of the attentive ones, and somewhat lucky--this particular engine made it 110,000 miles before the gasket began to give. Its timing couldn't be much worse, though; my significant other was very pregnant, which was exerting a strongly negative influence on my finances. So, I purchased a Haynes manual and a gasket kit, contacted a friend of mine with a garage, and steeled myself for the task ahead.

My friend and I fought through the jungles of plastic connectors and tubing, labeling like men possessed, leaving blue-colored tape crumbs scattered throughout the engine compartment to serve as guides upon our journey. Eventually, we stumbled across the heart of darkness called the lower intake manifold, where we beheld the sight you see to the right. We had finally reached the heart of the beast.

That's when we discovered that GM's legendary build quality had not stopped at the slowly deteriorating plastic trim in the cockpit, or the gasket that corroded when left in contact with the very substance it was meant to protect against. We had blindly and unwittingly stumbled across a little thing my mechanic would call "engine fatigue." More specifically, we encountered rocker arm bolts torqued wildly beyond spec so that, instead of simply stripping on their way out and leaving their thread in the block, took the much less pleasant option of taking thread out of the engine block.

It was at this point, and sadly not a moment before, that my friend and I realized we were not mechanics. A call to AAA and a helpful garage were sufficient to finish the job, although a sacrifice to the credit gods had to be arranged with many virgin dollars sacrificed into Mt. Visa. Worse yet, the problem didn't manifest itself until the beginning of June, meaning I had missed the class action lawsuit settlement.

What truly sets this car over the top is that this latest incident, long and drawn out as it was, is only the tip of the iceberg. Since my significant other has received this car, it has eaten brake rotors like potato chips. It has had random electrical problems, including smoke coming from the steering wheel and a horn that, one night, wouldn't turn off until I pulled the fuse. When driving, the flasher in the car clicks intermittently, unevenly, and repeatedly, eventually setting off the "your turn signal has been on for too long" chime, all without my actually touching the turn signal wand. The only saving grace of this car is that, unlike my truck, it actually has a back seat and it gets better than 20 MPG. In short, this car has conjured feelings of disgust and disdain that I have never before or since felt against a mechanical object--and I'm a Windows system admin.

When somebody makes a car that leaves your life more miserable than working with Microsoft Windows for more than 40 hours a week, you know something has gone horribly, life-alteringly wrong. GM pulled it off. Dark, hateful, blood-filled kudos to them.

--David Colborne

Comments

[Chris Hafner on July 24, 2008 at 08:47 AM]

I'm a huge, huge Malibu fan, having previously written about the successor to this car as well as the two previous generations--the 1973-1977 Malibu and the 1978-1983 Malibu. Obviously I'm a fan, which is why this generation disappointed me so much. The use of the simple name Chevrolet Classic and its late availability only to rental fleets just underscore its essential blandness.

It is interesting how closely your experience with the Malibu tracks with my encounter with our Saturn SL2. It wasn't exactly a great time for GM vehicles.

[Steaming Pile on July 24, 2008 at 08:58 AM]

So random schmoes can submit Car Disgusts? I have one, or rather, my son has - a 2000 Ford Focus, aka another name I oughtn't print here. I'll dig through my own blog and clean up the long diatribe about legendary Ford quality having been applied to a car that is celebrated in most other parts of the world. Seems everything that has ever gone wrong with anybody else's Focus had gone wrong with ours within eight months or so of purchase.

Now, I return you to the original rant about self-destructing GM cars.

[Rob the SVX guy on July 24, 2008 at 09:50 AM]

It really pissed me off when they named this "rental agency designed" car the Malibu. There is absolutely nothing about it remotely like older malibus, nor does it suggest the location. I hate this car. I'd rather walk.

[Cookie the Dog's Owner on July 24, 2008 at 10:00 AM]

There are some lovely turns of phrase in there, David: "that maroon plague upon my very soul . . . the heart of darkness called the lower intake manifold . . . a little thing my mechanic would call 'engine fatigue.' . . . a sacrifice to the credit gods had to be arranged." My sympathies for your experience with the Malibu, and my congratulations on a rant well done.

[David Colborne on July 24, 2008 at 11:08 AM]

Chris: I believe the last "great time" for GM vehicles was probably in 1971. Since then, it's been pretty universally downhill from there. Of course, the Malibus that you're such a big fan of come from after that semi-arbitrary cutoff, so... *shrug*

Rob: The key to dealing with this generation of Malibu is to remember that, when it came out, it wasn't half bad, gasket/coolant issues notwithstanding. It wasn't terribly exciting, but neither was its competition. The trouble hit when GM decided to put almost no investment in their passenger car lineup, diverting every available bit of cash into their SUVs and pickups, which led to everyone (yeah, even Ford) coming up with more exciting options in that market space.

For 1997, it wasn't a bad car. For 2003, it was pretty sorry.

[Rob the SVX guy on July 24, 2008 at 11:31 AM]

No, it was always a piece of crap. In 1997, in terms of domestic competition, you could get a Chrysler 300M, Ford Contour SVT, Dodge Neon R/T sedan, Dodge Intrepid, Eagle Vision, Lumina, Taurus, WHATEVER. It doesn't really get much worse than this. At least with the amazingly boring Camry you get reliability. This is on the same level of boringness, but it sucks so badly it isn't quite as forgettable as the Camry.

[Rob the SVX guy on July 24, 2008 at 11:31 AM]

Hrm. Remove 300M comment. :)

[Brian on July 24, 2008 at 11:28 PM]

Yep. In my mind, this is a malibu
http://www.chevelles.net/oregon/GeneBolante1970Malibu-Main.JPG
And nothing else is. The one featured is certainly a prime example of cynicism / planned obsolecence at GM. To be fair, there is a short term gain for designing failure into a product, but long term, it really kills repeat business.

[KM on January 03, 2009 at 11:03 AM]

Great!!! I am the guy who just took this car o trade from an older gentleman. No wonder he was so eagar to trade for my car! It was like he couldn't get ride of it fast enough. He denys anything about having Head Gasket problems!

[KM on January 03, 2009 at 11:09 AM]

I randomly found the picture on line of the Malibu and thought to myself Man...This sure looks like the car I just bought! It's even the guys garage that he parked it in with his bike hanging in the wall that he also has for sale on kijjiji. Here I thought I could at least trust an older man to have been honest but I'm a fool!!! A stupid trusting fool!!

[Pillar on April 16, 2009 at 05:14 AM]

As lacklust as the 2003 'bu was, Consumer Reports thinks it's the best car GM made that year. (That don't say much for GM, do it?)

There seems to be some confusion surrounding the "Classic" monicker; as far as I can tell, for 2004 GM had introduced a redesigned Malibu but kept selled the old version to rental companies and needed a new name. While the 2003 had the 3.1L V6 for a base motor and no four-banger available, the "Classic" was available with (only?) a four. These "program cars" soon showed up on dealer lots and I inquired about several. I don't remember if they were dated 2003 or 2004 but they all had four cylinders and they always tried to past them off as Malibus.

I just went through lower intake gasket hell. GM declined to include me in the discount dealer repair program. They it was because of the California lawsuit settlement, absurd because I didn't qualify for that.

Not wishing to part with $800 - $1000 for a dealer repair, I got some garage mechanics to tackle the task. There was oil in the coolant and coolant in the oil. But that's no surprise, because in addition to evidence of gasket failure (get this!) several of the intake manifold bolts were LOOSE, like little more than finger tight, as though they had never been torqued.