Most Boring Car Ever
By request, and based on the comments threads from a few recent posts, here's what could be the biggest challenge of them all--what is the most boring car ever made?
This is tricky; much trickier than identifying the worst car ever made. "Worst" "ugliest" and "slowest" are all strong flavors; perhaps even stronger than "best," "most beautiful," and "fastest." Boring implies a complete lack of flavor, but it's hard to identify. By definition, you're having to find something remarkably unremarkeable.
For the record, I don't the Suzuki Verona is the most boring car ever. It doesn't inspire heart palpitations, certainly, but I actually find it somewhat interesting. For starters, I think it's fairly handsome. Besides its looks it sounds from Nathan's description as if it is an excellent highway cruiser. When I look at the Verona, I think of a modern-day Buick, sold and marketed by a quirky small brand. That's not exciting, but it at least makes me look at the Verona in a new light.
But the most boring car? No. The Suzuki isn't nearly dull enough for that.
There have been a lot of great suggestions so far, all of them quite valid, and I'd welcome any more suggestions. Speaking for myself, the two most boring cars in my mind are Toyotas. I'll "honor" the runner-up here, and then feature my pick for the most boring car tomorrow. As luck would have it, I was already going to feature it as a Car Disgust and already have the post mostly written.
Most Boring Car Runner-Up
The first-generation Toyota Solara is mind-bendingly boring. The only potentially interesting thing about it is the fact that it's a two-door. But even that works against it because ... yawn ... what were we talking about again?
Nothing about this car is interesting, and when I try to concentrate on the Solara with the purpose of forming a firm opinion, my mind just slips off and starts thinking about something else. Thinking about the Solara is like trying to pick up a slippery bar of soap.
Ladies and gentlemen, if Car Lust is a disease--and it likely is--the Solara is an effective cure. I'll reveal the cure-all tomorrow.
--Chris H.
Mochi Mochi on June 17, 2008 at 04:35 PM
SWEET! No more of this "excellence" crap! The underwhelming thrill of an earthshakingly Most Boring Car is something I can completely get into right now. I yawn in the general direction of the ZR-1. The Corvette's power and muscular styling seems so last week - it consumes me with apathy - it drives me into a coma of excellence - a state of competence catalepsy.
The Verona and any other Suzukis are, by far, too thrilling and distinctive. I lump these together with the ZR-1... just another car that is capable of distinguishing itself from every other car on the road but virtue of unique styling and performance. What's interesting about that ?! I'm looking for a singularity. A car so completely lacking in distinction and differentiation that it is (strangely) with out par. A car so uniquely un-unique that you might not even notice that it was there. That, my friends, is a challenge I have been waiting for. Bring it on!
Shawn on June 17, 2008 at 05:08 PM
I dunno, that SPICY red is making the Solara look a little exciting, LOL. Your case would have been better made if you'd shown a picture of one in Camry Beige©: the most boring car color of all time now used by many manufacturers.
Big Chris on June 17, 2008 at 05:31 PM
Ford Probe. Nothing new, nothing exciting.
Chevy Astrovan. This is the follower of mini-vans, the kid who followed the cool kids around school trying to join in but never quite making it.
Big Chris
Darrencardinal on June 17, 2008 at 06:13 PM
God, is the Camry Solara really that boring? Somehow it doesn't seem that boring.
I mean, is it really more boring than a Chevy Cavalier?
Or a Chevy Caprice?
Or a Buick Park Avenue?
Or really, any GM car from the last 25 years?
I mean, the Solara looks to me like it might be kind of fun to drive, epecially if it had a 5 speed.
I drive a Miata myself, which isn't boring at all.
Darren
David Colborne on June 17, 2008 at 07:14 PM
Damn, Darren... quadruple post much? No worries.
A Chevy Caprice is interesting for no better reason than it's use as a police cruiser, to say nothing of it being the last true American station wagon. The Buick Park Avenue isn't particularly interesting, but it's not even the least interesting Buick out there - Buick Century, anyone? As for the Cavalier, it's too close of a cousin to the slightly more interesting Cobalt.
Besides, if you're going to go with ridiculously boring cars, you could throw down something along the lines of the old Ford LTD, the old Mercury Cougar (before the aerodynamic redesign), the old Chrysler LeBaron (pre-'87), or even the Dodge Spirit (non-R/T, of course).
That said, I think that, if you're going to do a "boring car" contest, I'd say you have to keep it somewhat contemporary - cars that were boring and pointless in the '70s would be positively interesting now, while cars that are completely boring and pointless now would be considered exciting back then. Consequently, to keep the difficulty reasonable, we'd have to say "1990 or later" to keep from having to consider some of the truly craptacular disolux liners of the '70s or the myraid boxen of the '80s.
Cookie the Dog's Owner on June 17, 2008 at 08:23 PM
I'd still put my '98 Escort up against any other contender. It's beige with a beige interior. Top that, I dares ya!
Mochi Mochi on June 17, 2008 at 08:59 PM
CookieTDC: LOL! - Is the said Escort a sedan? It has to be to truly qualify. But what about the Ford Contour?
Mochi Mochi on June 17, 2008 at 09:24 PM
I have been looking long and hard all day to find the epitome of blandness and I believe I have found it. I"m standing by the 95-97 Nissan Sentra. I excluded Vans and SUVs because they are not technically cars, and by either virtue of their utility or their wrongness (nod to Rob of SVX fame - and a wink to everyone) they become interesting or controversial.
The Sentra only becomes interesting because of its utter lack of interest and banality. It makes no promises it can't keep. It alludes to nothing. It is unidentifiable with out it's badges (which are small) and it is indistinguishable from other similar cars made by other manufacturers. It is a car that is as close to a household appliance as possible. It is not even as extreme in styling as an Escort. It has no controversy, and is not even bad enough to have reliability issues which again would make it interesting. Its too bland and transparent to be ugly. Except for the wheels it would be hard to distinguish it from a refrigerator or a neatly trimmed hedge.
Here's the evidence:
95-97 Nissan Sentra
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:95-97_Nissan_Sentra.jpg
Runners up:
98-00 Toyota Corolla LE
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:98-00_Toyota_Corolla_LE.jpg
(grill is to distinctive)
Toyota Camry (third generation, V30
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Toyota_Camry_%28third_generation%2C_V30%29_%28front%29%2C_Serdang.jpg
(headlights have sharp corners)
89 Ford Escort Sedan (Cookie's Car)
These cars are almost identical...
1989-1992 Toyota Cressida
1991 Nissan Stanza XE
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:91stanzaxe.jpg
(looks too much like the cressida ! yoikes a doppleganger )
Nathan of Brainfertilizer Fame on June 17, 2008 at 09:30 PM
Ooh, the Solara.
Good choice, because: some people think of what is not, and ask, why not? And some people think of what is, and ask, WTF is up with the Solara? Isn't it just a 2-door Camry? Why did it need a special name for that?
I'm not a piston-head, I don't go around memorizing statistics or seeking the ultimate thrill ride. But facts stick in my head, quite often, and under the heading of Solara there's a big, fat void. I can't tell you what size engine it has, big or small. I don't think it had a manual transmission option, but I wouldn't know for sure at all. If the military was working on a stealth ground vehicle, they would have to start with a Solara, it's so nondescript.
Kasey Kagawa on June 18, 2008 at 01:01 AM
I was about to go with Toyotas as well, but as I was cruising the Wikipedia listings for anything that I had forgotten about, I hit upon a gold mine (well, a beige mine, really): the Chevrolet Uplander, their minivan. How many of you forgot that GM even made minivans anymore? I'll be honest, I did. Minivans in general are boring cars, and the Uplander is the worst of the lot. It might not be the most boring car ever, simply because of how astonishingly outdated it was when it debuted (the platform it's based on is almost identical to the one it replaced, making it more than ten years old), but it's certainly up there.
Although, gun to my head, I'd have to pick the Toyota Avalon, and the 2000-2004 model specifically. It's just a stretched Camry, and somehow manages to have even more boring styling than the car it's based on. It didn't have any glaring flaws, the 3.0L V6 engine made enough power to move it around, it wasn't ugly, it didn't crash over bumps or roll like a boat, and it wasn't a sales flop. There's just not a single distinguishing feature about it. As far as I can tell, it was bought almost exclusively by the elderly (and the current model still is). Even the one thing of note about it is boring: it was the first car to come with a built-in 120V voltage inverter. If I didn't hate this car so much for its massive blandness, I'd never notice that practically every tenth car I see is an Avalon.
Rob the SVX guy on June 18, 2008 at 06:41 AM
Solaras are definitely cream puff secretary boring mobiles.
Darren, I would say yes. Cavaliers are small enough to be reasonably fun to drive, Solaras are bloated, heavy, and have soft suspension.
Really though, in terms of modern boring appliances, I think this wins:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fd/1997-1999_Toyota_Camry.jpg/800px-1997-1999_Toyota_Camry.jpg
There are a zillion of them, and they're all that beige color. I'd rather have a pinto.
Rob the SVX guy on June 18, 2008 at 06:46 AM
Mochi: Sentra can't win. Yes, it's boring, but they offered the SE-R version, which was actually kinda cool.
And yeah, sorry that Suzuki the other day was really REALLY boring. The only thing that isn't boring about that car is the marque... Suzuki is a weird brand. That's all that was interesting about it.
Anthony Cagle on June 18, 2008 at 08:20 AM
I think you can go way back to find boring cars. Is there anything at all interesting about a '73 Dodge Dart? Or a '62 Ford Falcon? I think ultimate dullness can transcend even the passage of time.
Chris Hafner on June 18, 2008 at 08:29 AM
The 1997-1999 Camry is a solid choice, Rob, but it's a little too ugly to be boring. It has that pinched look that reminds me of a 1970s Ford. The taillights are all Maverick.
Darren, those are good points, but at the end of the day this is a highly subjective question. Big American cars are interesting to me, so even the bastardized smaller front-wheel-drive versions of big American cars are interesting if only because they're so terrible.
Kasey's suggestions strike a pretty big chord. The first-gen Toyota Avalon is pretty snooze-inducing, and the Chevy Uplander is a completely inspired choice. I remember seeing one for the first time, thought, "what the heck ...?" and then couldn't bother myself to care.
I actually kinda like Cookie's Escort - at least if it's a hatchback. And the fact that there were truly great European Escorts of that generation puts at least a slight halo over the Escort.
Mochi Mochi on June 18, 2008 at 08:40 AM
Rob, the Sentra B14 stands since the SE-R was not offered until a number of years later. I think your camry is an excellent choice, it looks almost identical to my Sentra, BUT its headlights have more "zestful" appearance. Also the side mirror is more interesting, and the overall lines of the car are better penned and defined... but not by much.
The SE-R is an interesting car. It appears to be well respected as a sports sedan, but its also a piece of crap...
"One common problem involves the Intake Manifold "Butterfly" screws being loosened over time and eventually being ingested into the Intake. This would obviously cause a great deal of damage, and there have been plenty of SE-Rs with new engines because of this."
"Other such problems involved the infamous "Pre-Cat" failure.[2] In the exhaust system unburnt fuel that entered the Pre-Cat could potentially ignite; over time bits of the Pre-Catalytic Converter would break off and be sucked back into the engine. The QR25DE has no EGR valve, by design the exhaust valves are left open for a short period of time during the intake stroke to reburn fuel in the exhaust system, this is when particles from the Pre-Cat have an opportunity to re-enter the engine causing damage."
"Many owners have experienced multiple engine failures due to this, others have accused Nissan of simply putting a bandaid on the vehicles until most of their warranties have run out."
Now that is interesting. It's something I'm going to keep in mind if I EVER remotely consider a Nissan. As far as I'm concerned the only Nissans worth buying are called Datsun and they have the model numbers 510 or 2000.
Replacing an entirely boring car with a self-destructing car is an unusual and inventive concept. Not one I would recommend to other manufacturers. While the Sentra as a whole was designed to not be noticed, the SE-R was designed not to exist. Apparently Nissan refuses to acknowledge this car has any problems what so ever. I think they will eventually claim the car never existed.
Kasey: The Toyota Avalon is an excellent choice. I strongly considered it, once I finally noticed one. When I did I realized that I remembered the name from an ad campaign but I had never noticed them on the road. The only reason it did not make it on my list was that it had a grill with a level of detail that could be identified as uniquely Avalon - now that is not saying much, but in the world of incredible blandness it did stand out. Pull the grill though and you would never know what it was.
Rob the SVX guy on June 18, 2008 at 08:47 AM
Actually the SE-R was offered even before the version you're talking about. SE-R history here:
http://www.se-r.net/about/sentra_se-r/index.html
Wayne on June 18, 2008 at 11:35 AM
By far, the 8th gen Toyota Corolla. It was such a backwards slide from the generation prior, it was clear the bean counters had taken to designing the product.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_Corolla_E110
wolfwalker on June 18, 2008 at 12:04 PM
My automotive experience is limited, but I still have a candidate for "most boring." Several years ago while traveling, I got a white Pontiac Sunfire sedan as a rental. Dull, dull, dishrag dull. Dull to look at, dull to drive.
isitacrossfromchris on June 18, 2008 at 01:00 PM
Two words, Plymouth Caravelle.
Darrencardinal on June 18, 2008 at 04:16 PM
I admit, those are some pretty boring cars everyone has been talking about.
Doesn't it seem that over the past say ten to 15 years that Toyota has become more boring? I remember as a kid seeing Toyotas as being neat little cars, now they just seem bland. Almost as if they have caught GM disease.
About GM: I swear it's like they were trying to make the cars boring, as if they had engineers on staff saying, "How can we make this car 10% more boring?"
And I still say that a Caprice is the most boring car ever. They are so generic they just blend into the scenery, and the interiors are awful. The fact that they were used as cop cars hardly makes them interesting. A lost of taxi companies used them too, just because they were used as fleet specials just shows how dull and bland they really are (were.) The older ones, say from 1974, seem more interesting, it was the ones in the 80's that were deadly dull.
Darren
hunter on June 18, 2008 at 05:46 PM
I have to say, I really think the first-generation Chrysler Sebring is more boring than the Solara. It's such an absolutely bland-looking car. I guess this just goes to show that there aren't many things more dull than an appliance coupe.
But Anthony Cagle's post (wrong as it is - Darts rule!) reminded me of the Plymouth Volaré. What an utterly drab and awful car. I mean, at least the Ford Maverick looked sort of cool.
Simon Kenton on June 18, 2008 at 08:01 PM
Guys, sorry but you aren't even in the league. The Volvo 240 series wins hands down. Hideous, and expensive, and enfeebled even into the VW Bug league -- and they never quit. Year after year, paying expensive bills because the engine, tranny and body would withstand low-level tactical nuke airblasts, and keep running as weakly and reliably as ever, so you felt like you couldn't put it out of your misery. Owners took huge markdowns to sell them because they would never quit; you were facing year after year of sinking into chasmic, Mariana-Trench ennui to drive them, and you knew you would have to drive them forever. Do you have any idea what it is like to walk out to your car and realize with perfect certainty, "If I keep changing the oil, it has another 650,000 miles in it, in addition to the 350,000 I already put on it, and driving every one of those future miles will be like sorting the garbage for recycling, after 52 years of marriage." Owning a Volvo 244 was like being marooned on a desert island with a certificate of life expectancy greater than 100 years, an infinite supply of MREs, and the collected speeches of John Kerry. It was the sisyphus boulder of cars. I cracked. I couldn't stand it. I actually shot mine. It kept running.
Chris Hafner on June 18, 2008 at 08:30 PM
Simon Kenton: "Guys, sorry but you aren't even in the league. The Volvo 240 series wins hands down."
Nicely crafted comment, Simon, but I'm waaay ahead of you. As you'll see I'm in complete agreement with every one of your points.
http://www.carlustblog.com/2008/03/our-cars--volvo.html
Especially this:
Do you have any idea what it is like to walk out to your car and realize with perfect certainty, "If I keep changing the oil, it has another 650,000 miles in it, in addition to the 350,000 I already put on it, and driving every one of those future miles will be like sorting the garbage for recycling, after 52 years of marriage."
That car's durability was like a millstone around my neck.
Chris Hafner on June 18, 2008 at 08:37 PM
Anthony threw out the Ford Falcon - I knew some Falcon enthusiasts, but I have to agree that if there's such a thing as a boring old car, it has to be a Falcon.
I can't say I agree about the Dart, though. A friend of mine had a Dart Swinger--beige, with a black vinyl top--through high school and college, and that thing had personality to burn. Not only was it good-looking in a kind of raffish way, but it had the slant six engine and was available in some pretty entertaining muscle car editions. This might be a case of why old cars tend to not be boring; the individual cars just continue to accrue personality as they age.
The Volare (and its Aspen counterpart) were very boring at the time, but I think they've also become more interesting with time. They actually look pretty good now; and slant six devotees actually look at Aspen/Volares with excitement because of their Super Six carb/intake setup. Hard to believe, I know.
Of these cars, I'm very tempted to say that the Plymouth Valiant was the most boring. That's painful to admit, because I heartily enjoyed my very non-boring stint with a Valiant (http://www.carlustblog.com/2008/03/our-cars--1973.html). But as I admitted in the comments:
"But, and this is more of a comment on me than anything else, the Valiant's looks are completely un-memorable. I don't mean they're bad - I just can't ever remember what the Valiant looks like. I'll sit, puzzled, trying to remember what the front, rear, sides, detailing of that car looked like, and I'll have to pull up photos to remind me. Five minutes later I'm blank again.
Every other car I've owned, and most other cars I've seen, I have the details locked into memory. But for whatever reason, the Valiant is a complete cipher for me. If it was a person, it'd make a great secret agent.
but I can never remember how it looks. No matter how much I looked at the Valiant - and this is a weird phenomenon - it's difficult for me to remember how it looks. "
I still think it's nice-looking, just difficult to remember. I'm not sure that qualifies.
Cookie the Dog's Owner on June 19, 2008 at 10:38 AM
We had a '61 Falcon, which was pretty boring until the engine caught fire.