Car Disgust--Lamborghini Countach 25th Anniversary
Yes, I'm going to deride that holiest of holies, the Lamborghini Countach. This is the "Car Disgust" bookend to my earlier Countach Car Lust. It's important to note that this dishonor is focused squarely on the 25th Anniversary Edition Countach. Placing it next to cars like the Yugo GVX and Suzuki X-90 in Car Disgust might be considered tantamount to heresy, but I think it's appropriate.
In the Countach Car Lust, I pointed out just how breathtaking the original Countach was, with its spectacularly wedgy body, its bellowing V-12, and sheer presence that electrified the world. This was all still true during the 5000S Quattrovalve's reign in the mid-1980s, but by the end of the decade the Countach's basic flaws were becoming more and more obvious. Just before its replacement with the curvaceous Diablo, the Countach was as outdated as a hugely exotic car can be--cramped, hot, awful visibility, and with a poor driving experience in most situations. It was still fast, but cars as useful and ordinary as the Porsche 911 Turbo and Chevrolet Corvette were nipping at its heels.
Over the years, as happens to many of us, the Countach's deliciously wicked lean wedge had become fat and bloated, cluttered with vents and wings. Still, the 5000S Quattrovalve was fast and purposeful enough to fall just on the right side of good taste.
Lamborghini celebrated its 25th Anniversary by completely destroying that delicate balance. Festooned with airboxes, fins, vents, wings, slats, swollen fenders, oversized bumpers, and other meaningless filigree, the 25th Anniversary Countach was the stylistic equivalent of dressing a slightly pudgy aged Michael Jordan in a velour 1980s jumpsuit. The 25th Anniversary turned an already slightly excessive performance car into a ridiculous joke.
The effect was like dressing Darth Vader in lederhosen and painting a big red smile onto his helmet. Never mind, scratch that--that might actually be pretty scary. I compared the Countach LP400 to Ian Fleming's James Bond; if the 5000S Quattrovalve was the Roger Moore portrayal of James Bond, a bit cheesier but still unstoppable, the 25th Anniversary Countach would be Pauly Shore as Bond.
I realize I'm only ridiculing the looks, which might make this Car Disgust seem exceptionally shallow. But considering the fact that the Countach was pretty outdated by the late 1980s, destroying the compelling visuals ruined the Countach's last major asset.
Now, mind you, I still wouldn't push a 25th Anniversary Countach out of my garage. In an absolute sense it was still a formidable performer, and I'm sure an afternoon with a Sawzall would help me remove the ridiculous gimcrackery and restore the original chillingly relentless lines. But, as is, no matter how unpopular this might be, the Countach 25th Anniversary richly deserves derision.
The top photo is from Wikipedia, the second from a for-sale listing at Lamboweb.
--Chris H.
Rob the SVX Guy on June 05, 2008 at 10:40 AM
Right on, Chris. Those bumpers are awful, but I think you can thank the government for that- 5mph impact bumpers. :|
Anyway, I feel exactly the same way about the Lotus Espirit. It started out clean, purposeful, and delisciously wedgelike. Then it got dragged through a JC Whitney catalog. :(
Mochi Mochi on June 05, 2008 at 08:40 PM
The horror... the horror... the horror...
This is not a car. This is a nightmare of unimaginable proportion.
Basically what has happened here is that the original Countach inspired a host of gaudy tuner body kits. These have obviously proliferated and grown like a fungus across many older and revered cars - like Hondas and Mitsus. In the course of their evolution these body kits and ground effects styling treatments became increasingly malignant. Seeking a youthful presence for their aging Countach, Lambo had a mid-life crisis. Like an aging man unwilling to give up his youth, he starts dressing "young" and "hip", while looking for a trophy wife. Lambo went out and sought comfort and inspiration in the forms they recognized as their own - nasty malignant tuners. The mirror turned back on itself, bad taste and poor judgement were compounded. Tuners reflect the Countach, the 25th Aniversary Countach reflects the tuners.
There is heresy here. But it is not in Chris' writing. This is the Mona Lisa with a mustachio and a corset from Fredrick's of Hollywood.
Where have I seen those air scoops? The Mitsubishi 3000GT! (or should I say 3000000 GT). This THING was not designed by Lambo - I think it was Lame-o.
BTW Rob. I don't think you can blame those bumpers on the Government. The late 70s and early 80's was all about 5mph bumpers and the Countachs of that time were still looking ok. In 83 the requirements for 5mph bumpers were reduced to 2.5. At the 25 year mark 5mph bumpers would not even have been an issue. Unless Lambo decided they wanted a "retro" look... but in that case why not add side-boards, wood paneling, and a rumble-seat. With this look those things might actually help.
Cookie the Dog's Owner on June 06, 2008 at 11:39 AM
It's tarted up and tacky, like a shopworn 48-year-old cocktail waitress in a miniskirt or a fat man in a Speedo, but . . . well . . . at least it's not a Zimmer Golden Spirit!
Hucbald on June 06, 2008 at 03:23 PM
Ha! I was right. The bumpers on the 1975 and later X 1/9 ruined it too. The '74 is the only one worth having until the Bertone versions, which were a bit better.
Mochi Mochi on June 06, 2008 at 10:21 PM
The strange thing about 5mph bumpers was the inconsistent affect they had on car styling. Some cars looked worse. Some looked better. Later model Porsche 914s actually looked better. The longer bumpers and bumper guards completed the lines of the car and it looked great. There was a cost in weight - but then again it's nice to have bumpers that keep looking good even after they've been knocked into few times.
David Drucker on June 09, 2008 at 05:13 AM
It looks like a Miami Vice villain wannabee's coke-fueled fantasy. Or like a kit car project gone horribly wrong. If ever a car needed a "My Other Car is Up My Nose" bumper sticker, this is it.
Ingram Powell on June 16, 2008 at 11:57 PM
So funny to see universal condemnation of the later Countach's body-cladding now that it's out of fashion - at the time I couldn't find anyone to agree with me!
All Countachs (save the LP400) were pig-ugly then, and now.