Car Lust

Ferrari 412

Not as flashy as Magnum P.I.'s Ferrari 308, not as fast as Miami Vice's Ferrari Testarossa, and certainly not as extroverted as either, the Ferrari 412 was the marque's subtle, understated, and obscure grand tourer in the 1980s. At least, understated and obscure by the standards of the brand.

In the go-go 1980s, Ferraris were symbols of greed, excess, and audacious ostentation; but what I like best about the 412 is that despite its excellence, it operated below the radar. The 412 wasn't a status symbol of the nouveau riche; it was more like an executive express, like a furtive Learjet for the roads. at incredibly rapid, comfortable transit, it operated below the radar. 

Angular lines and a sharp, purposeful prow give the 412 an intelligent, crisply creased elegance reminiscent of the Aston Martin Lagonda; the 340-horsepower quad-cam V-12 gave it urgency. Not as tossable as the 308, nor as exotic as the Testarossa, the 412 excelled at incredibly rapid, comfortable, civilized transit in the European fashion.

Just as the 412 was overshadowed by its more showy siblings, it was replaced by the lovely and sensuous 456--a faster, more modern car that quickly supplanted the 412 as Ferrari's best tourer.

--Chris H.

Ford Capri

Long before the Mercury Capri became a lumpy Miata competitor, or an ersatz Mercury version of the Ford Mustang, the original Capri was one of the first members of a revolutionary new class of cars in the early 1970s--the Super Coupes.

The term Super Coupes was actually a Car & Driver invention that didn't really catch on, but as a class descriptor, it's pretty solid. With the early 1970s neutering of muscle cars, a lighter, more efficient, and more agile class of sports coupes beckoned, and most of the manufacturers responded with light, sporty, inexpensive runabouts.

This is not to imply that Super Coupes were supercars. Far from it--it's admittedly unfair to judge them by today's standards, but none of the Super Coupes would have a prayer of staying in sight of a clapped-out Kia Spectra5. Consider the fact that a 1972 Car & Driver test of the available Super Coupes included such legendary sporting machines as the Ford Pinto, the Chevy Vega, and the original Toyota Celica, and it's tempting to chuckle and disregard the class.

INCP--Dodge Avenger

Inappropriately Named Chrysler Products week continues ...

When you hear the word "avenger," what image comes to mind? Perhaps a steely-eyed, flint-jawed vigilante whose outrage at misplaced justice is as blunt and forceful as his calloused fists? Somebody perhaps like the dark, moody Batman or Charles Bronson in the Death Wish movies? That's my image--somebody fierce, powerful, and with such a powerful sense of moral rectitude that they are sometimes willing to do terrible things to make things right for others.

So, with all that in mind, I'd like to point out the hilariously mis-named Dodge Avenger. The Avenger has the kick-butt name and some quasi-Dodge Stealth styling in its favor, but underneath the skin it's all cringing mid-1990s four- and six-cylinder Dodge milquetoast mediocrity. Fundamentally, it's a Chrysler Sebring with a macho complex and a fake tan. If you consider, as I do, the Sebring the Britney Spears of cars (pretty but vapid) the Avenger is the Kevin Federline.

In any event, the milquetoast reality of the Avenger does not match the take-no-prisoners retribution promised by the name. If the Avenger was to swoop in to restore automotive justice, it would be greeted with cackling laughter and, moments later, would be leaving the scene of the crime in tears with its underwear pulled over its head.

--Chris H.

INCP--Dodge Sprinter

This week I'm going to run a daily series highlighting Inappropriately Named Chrysler Products (INCP)--a rather narrow category, perhaps, but one that offers up a surprising number of candidates.

Take today's example, for instance. I have nothing against the Dodge Sprinter commercial delivery van--in fact, I would have nominated it as a Car Lust at some point on its own merits.

For one thing, its looks are earnestly geeky in a way you don't often see nowadays. The Sprinter is the equivalent of the goofy junior high kid who grew six inches over the summer and now can't muster up any degree of coordination.

The most intriguing thing about the Sprinter, though, is the world of possibility it opens up. I'm tempted to buy a Sprinter just to wade into the mind-bending array of opportunities it represents.

Audi 5000CS Turbo Quattro

In the early 1980s, a car buyer who wanted the space and practical packaging to transport a family in comfort had little choice but to buy a family sedan or a luxury sedan--complete with wheezing, gutless engines and, probably, spongy, wallowing suspensions.

If that buyer wanted effortless performance and a gratifying driving experience, a sports car was the only option, saddling the customer with cramped, impractical quarters, the fit-and-finish of a typical Happy Meal toy, and woeful reliability. If supreme traction in cold and wet conditions was essential, the options were limited to either a bizarre and slow Subaru, or a truck--which in those days meant dealing with a rough ride and spartan accommodations.

And regardless of vehicle class, there was a good chance that buyer would be dealing with loads of chrome, cheesy styling touches, and blocky designs that didn't cheat the wind so much as batter it into submission.

2004-2006 Pontiac GTO

When Pontiac announced its plans to release a brand new GTO to the motoring public after a nearly 30-year hiatus, excitement ran high. Pontiac had used the long-neglected GTO nameplate to kick off the whole muscle car craze back in the early 1960s, and the revival of the GTO represented not only a potentially exciting new car, but a chance to cleanse the palatte from the sour taste left by the last GTO, the tape-and-sticker Ventura-based 1974 GTO.

When the new GTO debuted, however, it was to sighs of disappointment. The anticlimax had nothing to do with the performance. With a 350-horsepower LS1 small-block V-8, replaced the following year with the 400-horsepower LS2, acceleration was certainly potent. Car & Driver clocked the 2005 GTO at less than 5 seconds from 0-60 and the 13-second range in the quarter-mile.

But, to some, the GTO lacked the visual chutzpah of its predecessors--and in an age of overtly demonstrative cars, that seemed a fatal flaw. The GTO's feeble sales compared to the brisk movement of the new, retro-styled Mustang just drove home the point. After only three years of production, the GTO was quietly canceled.

Other Thoughts From the Minivan Thread

Here are more thoughts from the comments thread on the minivan post, some of it directly from the comments, some of it brand new.

On Punk Rock

In the post, I said:

"Popular culture is so anti-minivan today that driving one is so counter-culture, so in the face of popular biases, so keeping-it-real, that it's almost punk rock. In a utilitarian way, anyway."

This line garnered a lot of attention. I didn't mean that minivans are typically driven by punk rockers (though they might be helpful for lugging the gear), or that people who are into punk rock should drive minivans to impress people because minivans are so very cool.

The point is that when punk rock burst on the scene, it was a stripped-down, raw, anti-establishment response to the overwrought glam rock of the time. Toss the pretention; add in a healthy disregard, possibly even disdain, for popular opinion; and get back to basics--that's punk rock. That's driving a minivan in the modern age of minivan derision.

Anyway, it's hyperbole used to make a point, people. Though if anybody wants to airbush a mural featuring Joey Ramone on the side of their minivan, I promise to post the picture.

Is Car Lust's Opinion For Sale?

Thanks to all involved for the great conversation in the comments thread of my Car Lust post on the Honda Odyssey--a post that wound up being more about the minivan's place in society than about the Odyssey itself. Thanks also to Instapundit and Fark for directing so much traffic our way; though even with that avalanche of traffic, it's hard to imagine a post about minivans could drive 89 comments.

I wanted to pull some interesting topics out of the comments and into their own post; but I wanted to handle this one separately because it's an important question that strikes to the very heart of whatever small shreds of credibility this blog might have.

Is Car Lust's Opinion For Sale?

Guy Montag wrote:

"So, how much are you paid to write this? It's well written, but it rings of corporate product placement. Phrases like "It comes with a smooth and torquey 244-horsepower VTEC V-6, is as silky smooth to drive..." stick out. Outside of advertisements, people don't tend to write like that. I don't particularly mind advertising, but I appreciate it when it's honest about what it is. Or maybe I'm making a mistake, and you're a well-meaning blogger who loves vehicles and just happens to use a bit more advertising argot than most.

Honesty is the most valuable coin on the internet and product placement and people who shill for companies without being up front about it tend to degrade one's faith in humanity. So when you hear certain phases crop up that sound like PR or Corporate Drone speak, you tend to question the honesty of what you're reading.

And I have to admit, "Car Lust by Amazon" tends to make one wonder. It's not too often that a company attaches their name to someone's personal blog, even if they do work there."

It's a totally fair question, and one I want to respond to. This blog doesn't have a lot going for it--certainly not newsworthiness or expertise--but one thing it does have is lots and lots of baseless and wildly formed opinion. Impugn that, and you impugn the only arguably worthwhile part of this blog!

No Coupe For You

Even though we are firmly in the twenty first century and living in a global economy there are still new cars being released for the European market that will never see the light of day in the United States.

The latest addition to this long list is Ford Focus Coupe Cabriolet (or CC for short). With the Geneva Motor Show starting next month, Ford of Europe is getting ready to unveil its new hard-top convertible edition of the sweet European Focus. Available in multiple trim levels and engine options, this version joins its three, four and five door sedan siblings but brings an extra dash of Italian chic with its Pininfarina styling.

Come on, Ford, how about treating your American customers to a new ride.

-- Darren

1998 Volkswagen Passat GLS

When I first saw the freshly redesigned Volkswagen Passat in 1998, I instantly knew I was in love. How could one resist a car so attractive?

The broad sweep of the Passat's line was sensuous and smooth; its roof pillars slim and delicate; its front and rear fascias clean, unadorned, and iconic. The shape would have worked easily as well for a high-powered sports sedan and, with a spoiler and slick tires, would not have looked out of place on a race track. In a market full of boxy, anonymous, or overly ornamented sedans, the Passat was an instant classic, the kind of subtly aggressive yet elegant family car Jaguar would pen if its design team was not inextricably trapped by traditional design cues.

If possible, the interior was even more exciting. Instead of the mouse-fur velour and cheap plastics used by most of its family-sedan competition, the Passat's interior was lush and inviting, with flashy glints of metal trim, real-looking wood, sumptuous leather, heated seats, and the blue-and-red backlit instrumentation. Add in a punchy, torquey turbocharged 1.8-liter four-cylinder (one of my favorite four-cylinders of all time) and the exotic semi-automatic transmission, and the Passat was a revelation--an inexpensive family sedan that looked, rode, and drove just like a much more expensive sports sedan.