INCP--Dodge Avenger

Inappropriately Named Chrysler Products week continues ...

When you hear the word "avenger," what image comes to mind? Perhaps a steely-eyed, flint-jawed vigilante whose outrage at misplaced justice is as blunt and forceful as his calloused fists? Somebody perhaps like the dark, moody Batman or Charles Bronson in the Death Wish movies? That's my image--somebody fierce, powerful, and with such a powerful sense of moral rectitude that they are sometimes willing to do terrible things to make things right for others.

So, with all that in mind, I'd like to point out the hilariously mis-named Dodge Avenger. The Avenger has the kick-butt name and some quasi-Dodge Stealth styling in its favor, but underneath the skin it's all cringing mid-1990s four- and six-cylinder Dodge milquetoast mediocrity. Fundamentally, it's a Chrysler Sebring with a macho complex and a fake tan. If you consider, as I do, the Sebring the Britney Spears of cars (pretty but vapid) the Avenger is the Kevin Federline.

In any event, the milquetoast reality of the Avenger does not match the take-no-prisoners retribution promised by the name. If the Avenger was to swoop in to restore automotive justice, it would be greeted with cackling laughter and, moments later, would be leaving the scene of the crime in tears with its underwear pulled over its head.

--Chris H.