Dear Jezza, Captain Slow, and Hamster (Can I call you guys that, seeing as we're co-workers now?),
Now that you are joining us on the Amazon payroll (even though, to be completely forthright, we're not exactly on the Amazon payroll, at least most of us), I thought I would take the opportunity to welcome you to the company, late-comers though you are to this whole Internet-thingie. Admittedly, your penchant for expensive super-cars might put you a bit at odds with what we do here, but I like to think of your new role here as complementary rather than competitive. Nevertheless, although we've largely cornered the market on cheap domestics (and even some cheap exotics!), we have been somewhat remiss in covering European models that are, shall we say, not at the top of anyone's Ten Best list. We've done a few missives on your Brit cars -- Stag, TR6, and a Jag or two -- but unless it was imported in (relative) droves, we haven't given our typical Car Lust treatment to your own set of cheap domestics.
I'm guessing you'll have a slightly bigger budget than we do (which is, basically, nothing nil). I actually suggested we start our own Car Lust television program at one point, but the idea was stillborn owing to the fact that it's difficult to do much on a budget of $0.00. We would have had to use our own cars for all of our road tests and challenges and what-not and just put a sticky-note on the dash that would let the viewer know what car we were supposedly reviewing:
"Now, If this were an actual Lincoln Continental Mark V, I could show you the plush velour seating, but since it's a 1978 Mustang II you'll just have to imagine that it has copious amounts of room and no chamois-colored vinyl bucket seats. . . ." Our production facilities would, of necessity, be somewhat limited; instead of our own hangar and track, we'd be pretty much limited to Hafner's driveway.
I'd also like to offer our services as Producers. I'm certain we could find difficult and entertaining challenges for you to accomplish, even throwing in some of our own North American vehicles for you to enjoy ("Your challenge is to each buy a 1970s GM subcompact for less than $500 and then get it to start"). We can also demonstrate the proper way to drive a 1970s land yacht; please note that it does not involve "handling", but more like a long, flat highway and AC/DC.
We might even see our way, as fellow Amazoners, to letting you guest-post here once in a while. I'm betting we'd even waive the initial writing sample. You'll probably appreciate the fact that we have little editorial oversight. If you wish to do so anonymously we could even generate noms de plume for you. You would, obviously, have a certain leeway in terms of subject matter, but you might want to leave the pickup trucks to us (cuz we're experts and stuff).
So that's it. If you have any questions on how to maneuver around the Amazon world headquarters building or navigate the various rules and regulations covering employment here, well, don't email us because none of us know anything about that stuff ('cepting maybe Hafner, they supposedly pay him to do this). But we'd certainly welcome your input here at Car Lust, and will gratefully accept a great deal of money to name your new show "Car Lust". FYI.
-- The Car Lust Team
Credits: Photo lifted from The Independent.